Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Body, Social and Mind dysphoria ~Sevan

Chart by @Cassiebebop
Have you ever looked in the mirror, or at a picture and instantly felt sad or dysphoric about how you perceive yourself? If you're trans*, of course you have!

I recently discovered this graphic online, and it makes SO MUCH SENSE! However, I believe that some things can't be so easily categorized, and that makes those things so much more powerful because of the potential for it to have an effect on the physical, social and mental self. For example, if you look in the mirror and are hit with negative feelings about yourself. You're seeing how you look physically, which may not line up with what you'd like to see. You may feel social pressure to present or appear differently and mentally because our minds can warp what we see in the mirror and focus on aspects of ourselves that don't give us the full picture.

To illustrate this point, I think back to early in Cyndi's transition. She would come out of the bedroom in the morning and look forlorn. I would ask her what was wrong and she would express feeling as though she looked very masculine, or as if "she was never going to pass". This very rarely lined up with what I saw in my wife, and it left me unsure which of us wasn't seeing the full truth. I suspect both of us honestly. She was seeing all her traits that she didn't like, and I generally focus on far more positive traits because I love her. My responses rarely helped her to feel less dysphoric though, as her feelings were reflecting her inner beliefs.

I know that I can get this way too. Though for me it's more about pictures than mirrors. (likely because I tend to avoid mirrors, mostly because of their dysphoria risk.) I try very hard to look at a picture of myself without judgement. Depending on the day and my mood at the time, I have varying success at being non-judgmental with myself.

So what can be done about this? How does one deal with this issue? I believe that everyone has their own way, and their own coping mechanisms that work for them. One thing that's worked for me is taking the focus off visual cues and focusing more on other senses. I like the way I smell, so I focus on that. I feel validated when I run my fingers across my facial hair stubble, or through my hair. When I am faced with a picture or myself in the mirror, I try to focus on things I do like so that I'm not focusing on negatives. For me that's my ears, shoulders, smile/lips and freckles.

What do you do when you're faced with dysphoria from the mirror or pictures?

Thursday, November 20, 2014

TDOR 2014

Today , November 20th is the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance.
I have no lengthy post or depressing statistics. Those are available in plenty of  other places.

Light a candle and say a prayer for our lost brothers and sisters.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Queer Youth Spaces Need Our Support

When you were a young person how would you have felt if you knew there was a place that spoke directly to your identity and the issues surrounding them? A place where adults mentored youth just like you and there was no cost for you would have been a god send wouldn’t it?

There is such a place in Spokane, Washington for LGBT youth and their allies. It is the Odyssey Youth Center which from here on will be referred to as OYC.

I used to volunteer at the center for a short time. When I was there and got to see the daily operations of OYC I saw a place of refuge. I saw a place of safety. I saw a place where youth are sure to have access to a good meal. I saw a place where youth had access to free clothing. I saw a place that was teaching leadership skills to young adults. I saw a place teaching life skills to young adults. At OYC I saw a place where young adult LGBT individuals were becoming better people. I saw that OYC is a refuge in a world that is all too often cruel to those who are different than the hetronormative society.

Let me tell you the story of one young adult who I met while I was there in the capacity of youth mentor. I will call her Mambles for this story. As Mambles is not a real name for anyone, I am pretty sure you know now that I am not outing her. Also I will alter a portion or two of this story for expediency and confidentiality.
When Mambles came into the center she was there because she had heard that kids like her were safe at OYC and there was free food. She actually looked like a fabulous young gay man when I first met her as she is a transgender girl who was pretransition. Well she noticed me right off the bat. I am a late in life transsexual woman and it is pretty obvious that I am TS with an educated glance.
Well shortly into her being there she revealed that she was not really a fabulous gay boy. Rather she was a transsexual woman and she needed to transition but due to living situation, she could not let that information out yet.

Well my first thought was this girl needs a shave, make up and some new clothes. She needs a support group and online resources, and a gender therapist…. Yes, my mind was already whirling with what I could do to help her.

But I also know not to overwhelm a person in the early stages of a transition.
The first thing I said to her was “Well you know we have a clothing closet full of cute girls clothes. I am sure we have something that will fit you.”

Mambles eyes lit up and I could tell that she wanted to dress up and she confirmed it immediately. “I can wear girl clothes here?”

“Yes you can. At OYC we respect all people of all gender identities. If you want to change clothes here we will all be cool with that.”

So we went to the closet and on the way I introduced her to one of the other youth. The two of them started talking and after I pointed out the closet I walked away to let the youth chat while Mambles found new wardrobe choices.

Well soon enough Mambles came and found me and she was beaming and a hot mess. Of course she was, you should have seen some of my early wardrobe choices…


Mambles was happy. We started chit chatting a bit and I eventually worked around to the topic of her beard…(Now I have no issues with a beard on a man or a genderqueer, but on a TS woman it just does not look right.)

“If you want I can go get some of the razors for you.” OYC really didn’t have any razors at the time, but I keep a box of brand new quality disposable razors in the car, because well you know…I am TS and self conscious like that.

Immediately without hesitation “YES I would like to shave.”

I told her to wait there and I would be right back. As I came back and handed her some razors one of the youth was telling her about the makeup available. Nothing expensive as OYC has limited funds and the eye makeup she used became hers as we do not share eye makeup. Soon enough Mambles was shaved, made up and cute, with a stash of some make up items set aside.

Well during this time period food was being prepared by someone, I cannot remember who. The point being that a meal was and is served every evening that OYC is open.

After a meal there was a program of some sort. Maybe it was on safer sex, or maybe it was a leadership exercise, or perhaps it was LGBT movie night. I really cannot remember, but the point being is that every night OYC has some form of programming for the youth.

After program time, Mambles had to change back to male clothes and wash the makeup off. I felt for her, I have been in that place myself and it sucks. But it is part of the crucible TS women go through and Mambles was not going to be able to avoid it.

I saw Mambles a few times over a period of a month. She seemed to become a bit less war worn and a little more like a normal teen. The safe environment seemed to take some of the harder edges off of her. By the end of the month it was decided that it was not proper for me to work at OYC as my spouse is the person at OYC who is in charge of the volunteers and youth mentors.

I miss doing volunteer work as a youth mentor at OYC; but I do understand the reasons my spouses supervisor put forward as to why I cannot volunteer at OYC.

I did get to see Mambles after my OYC stint one day though. I was in the city park just walking through and Mambles had spotted me in the crowd. She came running up to me to chat for a minute. She was dressed as a boy as she does not have the safe home environment to go full time yet. She had a smile on her face but not the best of stories to tell. Life is not easy on LGBT youth. But she was upbeat and looked healthier than last time I saw her.

I cannot say what has become of Mambles as I have not seen her in long time and it is not appropriate for me to ask Sevan as Sevan must maintain confidentiality with the youth’s information. I like to think that the opportunities provided at OYC have in some way enriched her life.
Imagine if you could have had that type of experience as a young TS woman. A place to safely and openly express yourself as a woman, even if for a short afternoon would have been wonderful wouldn’t it? I know that it would have been a god send for me in my youth had I had the chance. There was a bit of a vicarious moment or two as I watched this young woman basically start her transition in OYC.

All year long LGBT youth have empowering experiences at OYC.
Young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth of Spokane have a place of refuge and kinship. That place of refuge has been running in some capacity for over 20 years. I have heard in the early days there was no sign out front. You could only get in if you knew the password and you went in the back door, and that was after you had called the phone number only vetted people could have.
Those days being an LGBT youth in Spokane was much more dangerous and such measures were a result of the times.

Now OYC sits on Perry Street with a proud and loud sign out front. Youth enter through the front door and are not as stigmatized for being queer. They have a safe place to socialize with other LGBT youth. It is a place where our youth can learn leadership skills, cultural competency, safer sex and a place to get a hot meal.  
I think that the safety these youth experience today is because there was an OYC for the generation before them. Imagine what the OYC is going to be like in the future?

So now to the pitch:
Please take the chance to invest in the future of the youth of Spokane and donate to OYC. You will notice that the side of the page has a ‘donate now’ button. The money goes directly to the bank account of OYC. Not a penny of that money goes through my hands. I am just being nice and putting their donation button on my blog page. OYC is funded through grants and generous donations by people like you.
OYC is a 501c3 organization.

Now if you are not flush with cash, please do not feel the need to donate. It can be difficult on the wallet being an LGBT citizen; I am asking the well off of us who do give money to these types of causes to consider giving some of your philanthropy money to OYC.

And if you didn’t catch it in the above wall of text:
Full Disclosure: My Spouse is an Employee of OYC.

A sappy emotional plea for the reader to donate money to the Odyssey Youth Center.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

The Public Scrutiny of Bruce Jenner’s Gender Identity

Bruce Jenner is changing. Yep we all know that. It does in fact even look like he might be in transition. Now as he is a ‘public figure’ people feel entitled to know more about him than he has released. He is mercilessly hounded by paparazzi and rumors are posited on TV shows about his changes. I hear this snooping into his business as justified as he is on TV. No. People are not entitled to all the information they can squeeze about their celebrity obsession. People are only entitled to watch the TV shows the Kardashians put on the tube, and only if they have paid for the cable or satellite, or they are viewing from a set that a friend has paid for the privilege of viewing said shows. That is it. He has a contract of some form with a production company to be part of a TV show. What they show you on the show is all you are entitled to know about this family. If Bruce is going through a private transition that he is not comfortable speaking on publicly, then it is a violation of his humanity to pry and speculate publicly about his private life.

I hope Wendy Williams and all the other gum flappers who have the audacity to speak on this personal private issue, feel like scum for how they are treating Bruce. He does not owe any of us any explanations. We are not entitled to gossip maliciously about him just because he is on our TV sets. It is not healthy and it is hurtful when we pry into people’s private lives. I know humans are prone to gossip but we need to strive to be better.
Sure go ahead and discuss all the stuff you see on the shows that Bruce is part of and have fun. But whatever is being kept private should not be violated.

If Bruce is in transition I feel for them with all my heart. I cannot imagine the personal hell it must be to go through something so personal and intrinsically private as transition, and then to have the gossip sharks circling all around the issue. Transition is not a public mater. Transition is a personal issue and it is not your business to pry into another person’s privacy.
My advice to Bruce Jenner if they are in transition: Just jump in and get it over fast. Come out with a statement from your publicist and move away for awhile; transition in a country where you will not be hounded by the paparazzi and gossips. When you are ready for public life again, come out with a fabulous splash and a new reality show. {Hey you gotta pay bills like the rest of us right? And a reality show is easy money for you and your family.}


Thursday, October 23, 2014

TVTP, Transgender Violence Tracking Project

Allison Woolbert over at the TVTP is dealing with some issues with TERFS trying to mess with her.

Here is Allison Woolberts recent post on Facebook:

OK friends and allies of Allison Woolbert. I need some help. Can you write about 3 paragraphs with about 3 sentences in each? I know this sounds absurd, but I need your help in displacing the TERFs from taking over my name once again.
This seems to be an ongoing situation and is problematic on a number of levels.

So here is what to do- We need as many writers as possible to write a few paragraphs with my name in the title, several times in the text, and then put in as ...a keyword in the meta tags. I know most wont' know what to do with the metatag info- but we can fix that here.
If you are willing to write a three paragraph post on Allison and give us permission to reprint, we'll get them on the web and start displacing the TERF hate group Gender Identity Watch...
Subject matter might include the Transgender Violence Tracking Project, the ongoing work with your groups that I'm involved with, the calling out of the hate group GIW, the formation of TERF Tracker, or frankly anything else POSITIVE you might like to say that others could read. So- please consider giving me a hand to reclaim my name from the haters.

So here you go Allison. :)

If anyone else wants to help her, give her a heads up when you do.

Have a good day Alison Woolbert and Lizzy over at TVTP.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Choosing testosterone ~Sevan

The bigender girl by Anibunny
This post comes with all the normal warnings about this being my experience and only my experience and of course, I don't speak for anyone but myself.

In today's episode, I attempt to explain what motivated me to start HRT testosterone. We'll see if I can explain this in a way that makes sense to anyone but me.

Around October of 2009 I discovered the language surrounding non-binary identities. Before that, I didn't even know that anything outside of male/female binary existed at all. Cyndi had come out just a month before as trans feminine and I was looking for spouse support online. What I found instead was a section for "androgynes". That was such a HUGE "ah-ha moment" for me. Then came the few months of trying to figure out what to do with that information. I struggled with concerns about being accepted, being seen as a "freak" should I choose any transition action.

I was (and still am) adamant that I am not male and had huge concerns about being perceived male. Due to that, I was quite sure that testosterone wasn't going to be for me. I looked for transitional paths to follow, what worked for other genderqueer/non-binary people but struggled to find much information at all. I didn't know what I needed, but I was pretty sure that what I was doing wasn't working. I had a very hour glass shape and large breasts and ass. These features made it near impossible to dress androgynously. I also didn't like many of the styles that were considered androgynous. It just wasn't me. I like skirts and tshirts, and I'm still genderqueer when dressing that way. I tried to bind but found it extremely uncomfortable and unsuccessful. Binding seemed to make me more aware of my chest, not less. As a result, I rarely if ever wore a binder.

I planned to have a breast reduction and knew that it was gender based for me. I thought I'd be able to bind more once I had a smaller chest, which may well have been true but I found I just didn't need to bind. I was ok with my breasts after surgery. (That was a whole process, it wasn't just waking up from anesthesia and being ok. But I don't want to get into that tangent.)

My main support network was a group of transsexual women online. There was a great deal of talk about hormones and how people felt on them. The great sense of peace they experienced sounded wonderful. I started to think that maybe testosterone might be what I needed in order to find that mental peace. My mental state was unraveling from dysphoria. Knowing what was wrong, but not being able to do anything about it was a pain that was terrible. I looked everywhere for information about what testosterone might do. I found a few genderqueer people who had gone on T for short time and had success with it to get a more masculine appearance, but that wasn't what I wanted or needed. My search was wholly mental. I didn't hear anyone talk about that aspect of their transition with T.

Prior to Cyndi starting to transition medically she was prescribed T. The doctors said she had low T (go figure...) and could do well and have more energy on testosterone. She had some left over when she went off T and started estrogen therapy. It was so tempting, just sitting there on the shelf.
Finally, one day in early February I'd had enough. I was forming suicide plans and they made too much sense. Testosterone, with potential side effects were far better than suicide. I went and got the gel and started T. I thought perhaps it would prove silly, and not be worth it. All that hype, surly for nothing.

I looked through my journal and found this quote from when I first started T:

"Finally got dress and out the door headed for work. In the car I felt....almost hyper. Actually rather happy. I'm rarely happy on my way to work. Time to think means time to be depressed. But today I just bounced down the road singing along with my Ipod....having a very peppy drive. Huh.

Does this mean I'm a confirmed FtM now? I don't think so. Still me. Same person I was yesterday. Though it does seem that my body responds well to testosterone. So far. And that's all that means."

I had convinced myself that with a low dose of T I wouldn't see any physical changes, but would only experience the mental peace that I needed. That, was not true at all! I absolutely experienced physical changes. My voice lowered quickly, my emotions shifted, my dysphoria lessened significantly. My face structure shifted in ways I can't really express.

Here is a link to an article that does a wonderful job of talking about low dose T in more general ways: Click here to see Neutrois Nonsense

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Please post comments.

When I write and no one responds, I feel no further need to write. Why bother, if it isn't noticed.
I imagine other writers feel similarly when their writing fails to elicit a response.

I see from the traffic monitoring programs in this blog software that I am getting views. But rarely do I get any response.

I try to write and make people think, not me.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Harm reduction modeling ~Sevan

TW for (casual, not in depth) mention of drug use/abuse, self harm, sexual activity, abortion.
Hey blog world! Long time no see. (My bad...) I've been very very busy with entering school, crafting and working. So I haven't been writing much. I'm sorry about that.
Something that I've become passionate about recently is harm reduction. So I wanted to talk to you, the reader, about what it is and where it can be applied.
First, just what is Harm reduction? According to Wikipedia it can be classified as:
"Harm reduction (or harm minimization) is a range of public health policies designed to reduce the harmful consequences associated with various, sometimes illegal, human behaviors. Harm reduction policies are used to manage behaviors such as recreational drug use and sexual activity in numerous settings that range from services through to geographical regions."

So this can have a broad scope and can be applied to work surround sexual activity risk, illegal drug use, alcohol use/abuse, self harm behavior, and many other public health concerns.

As some of you may know, I work in a queer youth center. This week, my college class intersected with my passion for youth. The class is for social workers and the discussion was about abortion access for minors. I felt as though we started at the wrong end of the discussion really. There was no lead up, or talk of other public policies that effect youth prior to them getting pregnant. I was shocked that we were just going to start at the abortion side of the issue.

I see safe, legal abortion as part of an overall harm reduction strategy. Though first we have to back WAY up and talk about access that youth have to research based, accurate information about their bodied and sex. As someone who works with youth, I hear what they learn about in class. I live in the liberal state of Washington (though not a particularly liberal side of the state...) and even still, the information youth have access to either has holes in it (no pun intended. Well, kinda intended.) is outright wrong, or was misheard. When I look at maps of the US that show what access youth have to medically accurate information about sex I'm appalled.

If information is incorrect or shame based are we really shocked that our next step in harm reduction, which is contraception and barrier (condoms, dams, etc.) access either isn't used, or isn't used correctly? If the only information you have about a condom is that it doesn't really work anyway, would you bother to use it? Research* shows that young people who have access to condoms and other barriers are NOT more likely to become sexually active, but those who are already sexually active are more likely to be safe about it. The logic that educating young people about sex will make them want to have sex also doesn't hold up. When people are treated with autonomy and respect to make decisions about their own bodies they are more likely to think through and make healthier choices.

So most states don't have good information in their schools about safer sex, they don't provide access to barriers or birth control (or if they do, we know there is limited information about those choices) and then we're going to be really disappointed when they become pregnant, become infected with STIs (at very high rates right now^) and/or are considering or having abortions.

If we want to lower pregnancies and abortion rates then we MUST provide lowest harm reduction strategies such as education. You can't provide NO harm reduction and expect no harm to come! It doesn't work that way.

I could tackle any harm reduction policy but that would end up with a very very long blog post. It all follows the same structure.

*Sources: Sally Guttmacher, et al., “Condom Availability in New York City Public High Schools: Relationships to Condom Use and Sexual Behavior,” American Journal of Public Health 87 (September 1997): 1427-1433; and Susan Blake, PhD et al., “Condom Availability Programs in Massachusetts High Schools: Relationships with Condom Use and Sexual Behavior,” American Journal of Public Health 93.6 (June 2003): 955-961.

^The CDC estimates that half of new STD infections occur among young people. Americans ages 15 to 24 contract chlamydia and gonorrhea at four times the rate of the general population, and those in their early 20s have the highest reported cases of syphilis and HIV. Young men and women are more likely than older people to report having no sex in the past year, yet those who are having sex are more likely to have multiple partners, which increases the risk of STDs.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

The Acquaintance Relationship

What is an acquaintance? According to the dictionary it is in most cases {and of which this is all about}: a person known to one, but usually not a close friend.

There seem to be many types of acquaintances we encounter in our lives. Let us divide them up in a few categories so we may delve into the topic I am reaching for more clearly.

Situational Acquaintance: these are the people you meet and have contact with due to life circumstances. Such as the various service and goods providers one comes into contact with as a consumer. Ranging from the butcher who is always at the counter the days you show up to the market to the police officer who gives you a ticket.

Family Acquaintance: these are the people who you know due to their proximity to a family member.

Friendly Acquaintance: these are the people you are connected in some fashion be it work, friends, family or indeed any other social connection, but your relationship is not what one could classify as a friends relationship. Let us divide them into two subcategories:

               A} People who you know but have no friendship feelings for
               B} People who you are almost friends with but due to many reasons you are not friends

It is the Friendly Acquaintance {B} relationship I wish to discuss, so now that we have that out of the way:

I have been thinking that perhaps this is the most vital of our social relationships in some ways. You know who these people are.
They are the people who you may have contact with on occasion, they are one of your friends other friends or they are connected to you via work, or a social group. You recognize each other and know each other by name. You will stop and exchange pleasantries and then move on about your day. You do not often initiate contact with these people and when you see them it is a pleasant surprise. You like these folks but for some reason you are not friends.
So what is the role of this social position in a healthy social circle? Support of the social structure would be my guess. If it is your friends’ best friend, or your study buddy in some class, the best role one can fulfill is the moral and social support role.
When you are in the role of friendly acquaintance you are part of the backdrop of another’s life and they serve in this capacity for you in return. They are your peers and they are in some ways part of the defining characteristics of your personal social circle. You are in return the same for them.

The nice thing about these relationships is they tend to honesty. Now I am not talking about those people who one may have rivalry with. Enemies and rivals is a completely different social structure system than what I am talking about. A friendly acquaintance is not a rival.
A friendly acquaintance typically has no reason to bullshit you and often you can count on them for a neutral point of view when you need to talk something out but talking with friends or family is either not possible or would be socially awkward.

There seems to be an aversion to admitting that a person is not a friend but is actually an acquaintance. Everyone must be friends, especially in the FaceBook era with the social media site referring to all of one’s social contacts as friends. This aversion to referring to people as an acquaintance is doing us all a disservice.
Enjoy your acquaintances and be the best acquaintance you can be for your society. Approach these relationships with best of intentions.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

An Analogy

When one first starts their transition in some fashion it seems to be like being a shipwreck survivor.
At first the story starts with a woman floating unseen on a tiny lifeboat at sea. {The life boat is the man suit, the sea is life in general.}
She is unseen, drifting along however the currents take her. Eventually she sees a chance at life. Perhaps it is a civilized island, a pocket of humanity, or she sees a ship.
For the TS person the island is the body of knowledge available to humanity regarding transsexuals. The ship is the visible transgender community. Some are on the ship as fellow castaway; others are on the boat looking for castaways.
If she spots land and heads for it, or spots the ship and hails it, she can make her way out of the life raft and to a safer situation.
The ship is headed to the island she needs to get to, so there is something of a bonus for our castaway.

Now the island is full of savages who mean well but have odd customs and rituals. {The savages are the doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, society at large and various other gatekeepers and lore keepers.}
The only thing our castaway wants is to join the islands culture. But to join the culture and become a productive member of society she must follow the protocols and rituals of the gatekeepers. Once she becomes part of society she becomes much more functional as a person and is no longer drifting out to sea.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Why Trans* Women Should Reject HRC’s Apology

Human Rights Campaign president Chad Griffin gave a tepid, sort of apology at the Southern Comfort Conference Atlanta today for HRC’s lack of working with TS women.
Here is his speech as reported by The Advocate:

Hello! Thank you! I wouldn’t be half the person I am today without strong Arkansas women like that. Love you, mom.

It’s an honor to be here with all of you at Southern Comfort, where so many transgender people find strength and fellowship, and where so many allies can come to listen and learn.

I want to thank the organizers for the months and months of hard work that went into making this conference the success that it is — the Southern Comfort board members Lexie, Stefanie, Blake, Phyllis, and Christy, and special thanks JoAnn and Lisa for all your leadership as well.

I want to cut right to the chase here today. There’s an elephant in this room, and, well, it’s me.

Some of you may be wondering what I am doing here. Some of the more skeptical among you, particularly those I don’t yet know, may think I’m lost. I promise you I’m not. I’m here for a pretty simple reason. I’m here because I want to be here. And I’ll tell you why.

A few months ago, I was at the Ohio State University in Columbus for an HRC event — our Columbus annual gala, as a matter of fact.

Anyone here from Columbus might know that the Student Union at OSU is this big open building with this huge atrium that stretches all the way to the top floor, with event space on each level.

Our dinner was on the second floor. And when I arrived the HRC crowd had already turned out.

But when I looked up through the atrium to the third floor, I saw that there was a conference going on. Some of the attendees had noticed the activity below; they were clustered around the balcony, looking down at us.

It was a trans conference. The largest in Ohio. The 6th Annual TransOhio Symposium, organized by the courageous Shane Morgan. They were gathering after a string of trans women were murdered in Ohio last year. Another murder took place shortly after that conference was over.

And I’m going to tell you the honest truth: I had no idea the conference was happening before that night. And here all these committed transgender advocates and allies were—scholars, educators, everyday folks and their families there to support them. And instead of all of us working together, taking stock of all of our progress and the challenges ahead, and finding comfort in each other’s company, “they” were upstairs, and “we” were downstairs.

And, in that moment, despite all the progress the LGBT movement and HRC in particular have made on transgender issues in the past couple of years…

No matter how many brilliant, new transgender and allied board members, volunteer leaders and staff members are helping HRC broaden our work…

Despite every inclusive state non-discrimination bill we’ve fought for…

No matter how many thousands of hours and millions of dollars we put into the campaign for a fully inclusive ENDA…

There that divide was, for all to see. Plain as day.

I knew in that moment in the Student Union that something was deeply, profoundly wrong. I went up to that third floor. Introduced myself to as many people as I could. I felt like the biggest jerk in the world, because I knew that gesture wasn’t nearly enough. It wasn’t anything, really. I promised next year we would work more closely, that we would coordinate for the 7th Annual Symposium to ensure HRC had a deeper presence and a real partnership.

But all throughout that evening I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. We all know why that divide between the trans community and HRC exists, and taking a big step toward closing it is my responsibility.

So I am here today, at Southern Comfort, to deliver a message. I deliver it on behalf of HRC, and I say it here in the hopes that it will eventually be heard by everyone who is willing to hear it.

HRC has done wrong by the transgender community in the past, and I am here to formally apologize.

I am sorry for the times when we stood apart when we should have been standing together.

Even more than that, I am sorry for the times you have been underrepresented or unrepresented by this organization. What happens to trans people is absolutely central to the LGBT struggle. And as the nation’s largest LGBT civil rights organization, HRC has a responsibility to do that struggle justice, or else we are failing at our fundamental mission.

I came here today in the hopes that we can begin a new chapter together. But I also came here to tell you the truth. We’re an organization that is evolving. We may make mistakes. We may stumble. But what we do promise is to work with you sincerely, diligently, with a grand sense of urgency, listening and learning every step of the way.

And I also want to be clear that I’m not asking you to be the ones to take the first leap of faith. That’s our job. My mom taught me that respect isn’t given, it’s earned.

Over the past two years HRC has dramatically expanded the scope of all of our programs to reach more trans communities than ever before, and I want to take just a few minutes to talk about that work.

First things first: an inclusive ENDA. It’s an absolutely essential piece of legislation. It will change millions of lives for the better. And as an organization, HRC will continue to invest in and fight for an inclusive ENDA.

But even a broad, inclusive ENDA isn’t enough.

If you’re trans, a fully inclusive ENDA doesn’t do much good if you’re living on the street because you’ve been kicked out of your apartment…if you haven’t been able to finish school…if even getting a job interview in the first place seems light-years away.

That’s why, in the next session Congress, HRC will lead the campaign for a fully-inclusive, comprehensive, LGBT civil rights bill. A bill with non-discrimination protections that don’t stop at employment, but that finally touch every aspect of our lives—from housing, to public accommodations, to credit, to federal funding, to the education we all need to succeed and thrive.

And I’m going to keep being honest with you, this is not going to be an easy fight.

We’re going to need everyone working together, arm in arm, and even then it could take years. As we’ve seen in non-discrimination fights from the city of Houston to, most recently, Fayetteville, Arkansas, our opponents will stop at nothing to halt our progress with their scare tactics and lies. Let me tell you what… The haters have got bathroom fever, and they’ve got it bad.

But I want to say something here today. Whenever the inevitable chant about “bathrooms” begins, they’re not just attacking you, they’re attacking me, they’re attacking us. We can’t let them win. We must hold the line. We will tell the truth. Because these are our lives, and this is the moral thing to do.

But even that’s not enough, is it? After all, it was less than two months after a Maryland coalition, including HRC, helped enact a statewide non-discrimination law that two trans women, Kandy Hall and Mia Henderson, were brutally murdered in Baltimore.

That massive disconnect … the disconnect between legal protection and lived experience … is what too many in this country don’t understand or, quite frankly, even realize. We can’t afford to just change laws.

In rooms like this one, for years, you have been making the case that we’ve got to change society at a fundamental level by lifting up more trans people, your lives, and your stories.

You’re right. And if there’s one thing we’ve all learned in this movement, it’s that once Americans come to really know us, it starts to become impossible to discriminate against us. And at our best, HRC offers an unmatched communications and public affairs platform to amplify LGBT stories across the country.

In just the past few weeks we have demanded stronger efforts from local and state authorities to protect transgender people, particularly trans women of color ...

We’re proud to support Casa Ruby and Ruby Corado’s courageous work to support trans youth on their path to employment …

We’ve lifted up the stories of transgender Southerners like Andrea through our expanded work in the Deep South …

And yes, we joined a group of national LGBT organizations in telling the Michigan Womyn’s Festival that transwomen are women too.

But we’re committed to doing more than just speaking out. It’s essential that HRC be meeting transgender people where they are, listening, and acting to create positive change. And we have an incredibly important foundation to build on.

Over 10 years, for instance, our Corporate Equality Index has helped shift trans-inclusive healthcare plans from a rarity in corporate America to a best practice that is the policy of more than 340 major companies.

Our Healthcare Equality Index has helped bring transgender competency training and patient and employee nondiscrimination policies to hospitals from the heart of the Deep South to each and every Veterans hospital in the country.

Our Welcoming Schools program has brought safer schools and well-trained teachers to thousands of transgender and gender-nonconforming youth.

But we’ve got to do even more.

Over the past two years I have worked directly with HRC’s staff to dramatically expand our work that distinctly impacts transgender people. From the workplace, to the schoolhouse, and from the hospital, to the church pew.

Think about it this way. Everywhere you’ve ever seen an equal sign sticker on the back of a car and even pick-up trucks — every small town in the heart of a red state—we can touch that place. We can change lives there, for the better, for good.

Andrea mentioned HRC’s newly expanded work in the Deep South, work that is reaching more people than ever before. Today, we are also significantly expanding and modernizing our HIV/AIDS efforts, because we know that so many communities — including communities of color, LGB people, and especially trans women, battle silence and stigma because of this epidemic. So many have done so much to change that, and we want to lift up that work and expand upon it however and wherever we can.

But we can’t stop there, either.

I talked a bit earlier about antitrans violence. Horrific and senseless murders that stain every state in this country and too often go unnoticed and unsolved. It’s time to call it what it is: Antitrans violence is a national crisis.

Look, this is a complicated issue that brings in race, employment, poverty and so many other factors, and none of us in this room have the solution today. But what we do know is we can never, ever accept this violence as a given. And together we have got to turn the tide.

I’m here today to declare that a core aspect of our work moving forward will be to work with you to develop a national response to the epidemic of antitrans violence in this country.

Some of our senior team members, folks like our director of foundation strategy Jay Brown, our senior legislative counsel Alison Gill, and our new deputy chief of staff Hayden Mora are central to this work. And of course, our Board of Directors, including the tireless Meghan Stabler, who spoke to you here last year, and Mollie Simmons, who is here with us today, is working with us every step of the way. All of us are undertaking conversations with movement leaders, community organizers and individuals who are already at the forefront of tackling this issue.

We need all hands on deck.

They are supporting our trailblazing State and Municipal Equality team in undertaking conversations with movement leaders, community organizers and individuals who are already at the forefront of tackling this issue.

None of this work would be possible without trans advocates. I am so grateful for those who have been fighting for trans equality, literally, for decades and decades. From Shannon Minter, Mara Keisling and Ruby Corado, Lourdes Hunter, to Diego Sanchez, Monica Roberts and Masen Davis, and every single one of you in this room. You are not simply movement leaders, you’re an inspiration. You’re an inspiration to me personally.

Look, by now it should be clear that I didn’t come here today to tell you that HRC is perfect and that you’re wrong for not seeing it. Because we’re NOT perfect, and you’re NOT wrong.

What I am here to say is what a young trans man told me in the heart of Mississippi. It was a meeting with a bunch of local LGBT people in a church community center outside Jackson. There must have been 20 folks in that room, everyone telling their stories, sharing their struggle. But his story sticks out most of all.

You see, Bryson’s a city worker. Transitioned on the job. And almost overnight, he began to face unprecedented harassment. They made him shave his dreadlocks, even though his other male colleagues wore their hair long. They even went after his wife at her place of work, so much so that she was forced off the job. He was just completely run-down, with only his family standing beside him.

I couldn’t believe it. Why did he come to that meeting in the church that day? Why risk so much to tell me his story, despite all he’d been through and was still going through? He looked me in the eye and said, “there’s always going to be hope for a change.”

On that night in Columbus, Ohio, standing on that third floor balcony, I thought about Bryson. I thought about that young man in Mississippi. How can we, all of us, ever make that change happen if this divide between us persists?

My friends, please continue to hold HRC accountable. Hold me accountable.

Please be in conversation with us as we do more than we’ve ever done before.

We have come too far together not to share our progress.

We have come too far not to share the fight against the obstacles ahead.

There are a lot of people like Bryson out there hoping for a change.

And I promise you here, with my sweet Southern mom and all of you as my witness, that we won’t stop fighting until everyone in this room and everyone across this country has the equal protection, equal opportunity, and equal dignity that we all deserve as human beings.

Thank you very much.


My main issues with his speech is that he gave no indication that he saw HRC as anything other than the only logical leader in the LGBT to spearhead and advance the causes of trans* people. There are a number of National level TS/TG organizations that HRC should be working with in a secondary role. HRC has messed up too many times in the past for TS women to ever feel we can let HRC lead. If HRC wants to truly work with TS women then they should partner without trying to assume the leader position.

My second issue is that he never apologized for specific slights and insults. He generalizes and glosses over some real issues. The structure of his speech reads like an executive telling his subordinates that ‘yes I messed up, but WE are going to move on and I am the boss’. That just doesn’t work for this activist.
How about we just take one example of recent behavior by HRC that demonstrates the hubris and self importance of the HRC… the issue where HRC held a fundraiser in Seattle but none of that money went to the local activists:

An Open Letter to HRC on the eve of their HRC Seattle Dinner

 Greetings Dean, Christine, and Scott,

 I was recently asked by a prominent LGBT community leader if I was planning on attending the HRC Seattle dinner next weekend- I told her there was no possible way. You probably haven't heard my name before, I wouldn't be surprised - but a quick rundown of who I am. I work as the Policy Director at Basic Rights Oregon, I also was the founder of Gender Justice League in Seattle, a Seattle Pride Grand Marshall this year, and the founder of the Coalition for Inclusive Healthcare with Marsha Botzer at ERW/Ingersoll. My work has lead to the repeal of Transgender Healthcare exclusions in all private and public insurance (including Medicaid, all major insurance carriers, and for state employees) in both Washington and Oregon in the last 3 years, New prison in jail policies for the housing of Transgender people both states, both trends that I have helped to spread nationally. I'm not tooting my own horn - I just want to contextualize my email and where I am coming from as a largely unfunded activist. I also designed and taught the second Transgender Medicine class in the country at University of Washington - that is to say, I am no slouch.

 As an activist over the last 4 years before joining BRO - I worked on a shoe string budget. GJL's annual budget is $44,000 - not even enough to pay a minimum wage salary. I worked 2 part time jobs - as program manager for Q-Law (the LGBT Bar Association) and as the ED at Gender Justice League in our first 3 years of forming. I took a position in Oregon because it was the only LGBT activist job in the northwest that paid a living wage - I continue to live and work in Seattle 3 days a week, a far from ideal situation.

 All of this is to say - while I know HRC was substantively involved in the Ref 74 campaign. I was feeling mightily resentful and "what have you done for us lately" in Seattle when asked if I would attend. Particularly given the fact that ERW has all but fallen apart with no staff and no agenda to speak of, our efforts to remove exclusionary health insurance policies have gone completely unfunded (we have not received a single grant) -- and our donor base - the Transgender community is largely living in poverty, unemployed, and thus unable to contribute significantly to local organizations stunting our growth for work that if it were around marriage would have been far more well funded given how effective we have been. It landed hard to see HRC hosting a large-ticket fundraiser in our back yard; all while not sending a penny back to our state or community.

 I feel a bit disappointed that you have chosen to highlight Joe Manganiello - great a True Blood celebrity, plaintiff couples in a Prop 8 case (nothing to do with Washington), A couple from Georgia (finally you are trying to work in the south, but where were you for the last decade - I was working with folks there in 2005 onward) .... but not a single relevant regional activist in recognition of the actual work that is happening in Seattle.

 It feels a bit like HRC are a vampire who has swooped in to suck the blood from the largely untapped major donors of Seattle (without ERW around)-- while giving essentially nothing back to our community, and while highlighting NOT A SINGLE piece of actual work happening in our state. I realize you all are local Seattle folks - that's awesome, but where is the recognition of the work happening on the ground here?

HRC has a huge stage. A megaphone compared to organizations like Gender Justice League or LGBT Allyship, or Gender Odyssey. Queer Youth Space - the only LGBT youth led organization in our state just shut their doors for good. Only 11 shelter beds are available on any given night for LGBTQ youth.... and yet - none of this will be discussed on your stage to donors in our state.

 I wish you all had taken this opportunity to elevate local work - not done by HRC.

 But then again, that might not empty the pockets of your donors; hell it might even benefit local activists who do not have a well oiled development machine, and we can't have that!

 I met Fred recently in April in Denver at the Equality Federation Communications Bootcamp. He seems nice enough. I wonder though - how will HRC ever move past it's troublesome community reputation as a rapacious insidious national organization that shoves aside Transgender people, Queer and Trans people of color, and local activists to suck the blood, life, and in particular MONEY out of our communities to fund a rather luke-warm Trans exclusionary national agenda?

 I wish I could attend - but on an activist salary actually doing the work, I cannot afford luxuries like a $225.00 a plate dinner to hear about work completely irrelevant to my community.

 I wish you the best of luck with your event -- I apologize if my words sting or seem harsh. It is disappointing to see HRC making the same mistakes perennially and to have failed to learn from the past. I wonder - with the $200,000 you all raise next weekend - how much of it will come back to Seattle to fund the seriously important work happening here? Not a penny I suspect, and that is deeply disappointing and only builds ill will among influential community leaders such as myself -- it does nothing to mend the fences with the Trans community. A disappointing choice, but then again - you all have the cash to continue to make so many disappointing choices these days.
With warm regard & best of luck on your event next weekend,
 Danielle Askini

TS people have a long and rather bitter history with HRC. I have not even scratched the surface of the list of grievances TS folks have with HRC. So long as HRC insists that it is the leader in the fight for trans* rights, and it refuses to not ‘just’ apologize for mistakes and insults but correct past issues, I cannot in good faith encourage my trans* brothers and sisters to support them.
Now how do they fix things? Well ‘sorry’ is a start, but opening up their coffers and giving some of the money they have to local organizations working on queer causes is a good start. And I am not even talking Grants…I mean direct donations to the general funds of Trans* organizations without stipulations, riders or expected reports.

Basically I am saying “HRC, put your money where your mouth is.”

Sorry HRC, but this TS activist and advocate politely declines your apology. I think we deserve more as a class from you guys at this point.

Friday, August 29, 2014

What I have been working on today...

It isn't all news feeds, advocacy and activism in my day.

Here is a chapter of a novel I am attempting to write for the young adult type reader of High Fantasy:

Chapter 4 
Calandra had chased Thistle into a small copse of fruit trees. The young man was nowhere to be found.
She was about to start yelling for the elf when she spotted a small alder tree.
She walked up to the tree and spoke “I know that is you Thistle, there are no alders in this grove of fruit trees. Also, I have helped harvest these trees the last 4 harvests and I have never seen this tree here before.”
The tree started to shift and morph. Calandra could feel a powerful surge in the veil. The power of the elf’s magic was extremely potent. Thistles ability to shape shift was his ‘clatcha’; a clatcha being a type of magic that an elf may have an especial affinity for. An elf who had a clatcha for a specific spell type typically would master the magic at a young age and then as they grew into their adulthood their level of control of said magic would rival the powers of greatest Sorcerers.  Not all elves had a clatcha, and those who did were afforded a special status and desirability as a mate in the tribe. A clatcha also altered an Elf. Instead of a simple red, brown or green hair an elf with a clatcha would grow blond or rarely bluish green hair. Thistles soft blond hair was a badge that he was ‘special’. 
This was part of Thistles problem. As a result of being well born and having a clatcha ,every female in the tribe excepting his mother and sisters were courting him. Even his cousin had made it apparent that she wanted to mate with him. “For the tribe” was her reasoning. She also had a clatcha and she reasoned they would make superior children. Thistle felt like a simple commodity to be bought and sold on the open market. One woman had actually approached his family and offered to pay thousands of Sovereign to form a political union. Thistles other major problem was the fact that he was head over heels in love with Calandra. Forbidden love. Love for a woman not an Elf. Forbidden. Gruentar. Calandra was the only woman he knew who didn’t see him as an end to a means. Granted she was the only human female he had ever had any dealings with. But there was that magnetism that arises between destined lovers between him and the human. It was palpable to him the affection he developed for him. The two shared secrets, goals and aspirations. He had grown into a state of love for the woman that was undeniable. He allowed himself to cross the line of taboo. It might be tolerable if not for the fact that he had told Calandra he loved her two nights ago in a drunken state. Then she responded back that she knew and she also loved him.
The two crossed that line of the forbidden that night. Thistle was torn between what he had been taught all his life and what his heart was screaming.
The alder tree had completely returned to Thistles normal form and the elf was in tears and sobbing in fetal position.
Calandra sat on the ground next to Thistle and put his head in her lap. She held the elf and stroked his face gently. Wiping away tears of his only to notice her tears were falling on his face and mingling with his tears. How fitting and apt she thought. The two had met earlier in the year at the Mage School in West Mailon. The small classroom and limited number of students at her level provided just the proximity the two needed to form a close friendship. Soon after meeting the young elf she found herself constantly intrigued by him. He was a strong wizard, a wise man and rather attractive as far as an elf male goes she mused. The two became lab partners and were expected to spend allot of time together, so few eyebrows had been raised. Of course she was spending allot of time with Thistle, they were working on creating a spell for their final. The rigors of the research demanded the two spend many hours together. But the time spent together soon devolved from discussions of the arcane to discussions of their lives, their desires and passions. Then there was a breakthrough in the research a full two months before the project was due. The two had created a spell to speak with any animal that was unique and not reliant on any of the known patterns of spell invocation. They kept this to themselves and continued to spend time together.
The two were celebrating their graduation. Their project had finally come due and the two were spending an evening partying at a friend’s house; after most of the people who had attended the party the two had confessed their love to each other. One thing led to another and soon enough Calandra and Thistle were ripping each others clothes off. It was literally magic. She could still remember the dancing energy and lights that formed between them as they loved each other.

Calandra whispered into her lovers’ ear past her own sobs, “We can leave this place. In a week I will be quested. As soon as I earn my status I will be eligible to attend the Academe of Enchanting in Namdak. Mother has promised me an attainable task. If, no…when I complete my task I will go to Namdak. You have had a standing invitation for a year. In Namdak we can be ourselves, few people care who loves who there. We can be safer in Namdak.” Thistle was lost in a world of wretched sorrow and angst, Calandra’s voice was the only thing that made sense in a world turned against him. He tried to croak out a response but was incapable of getting anything but noise past his sobbing. He just nodded in agreement with Calandra. He wanted to go and live in peace with his lover; a place where a gang of Troggers didn’t gang up on him and his love, for loving each other. It was wrong for society to make such rules. It wasn’t his fault he fell in love with Calandra. It just happened. Life made no sense to him. How could the world outlaw the feelings he had for Calandra. Calandra was a bright light in a dim world. He was in that stunned state where numbness sets in and the world seems grey.
After a few minutes Thistle was able to stand and compose himself.
As he stood up he spotted a small wild flower next to the pear tree they were under. He picked it and handed it to Calandra.
“We have to be careful. People are talking. If we get caught ….” His sentence trailed off.
“I know. They kill people like us.” Calandra responded. Her red raw cheeks were wet from tears. Stress and worry covered her face.