Body, Social and Mind dysphoria ~Sevan

Chart by @Cassiebebop

Have you ever looked in the mirror, or at a picture and instantly felt sad or dysphoric about how you perceive yourself? If you're trans*, of course you have!

I recently discovered this graphic online, and it makes SO MUCH SENSE! However, I believe that some things can't be so easily categorized, and that makes those things so much more powerful because of the potential for it to have an effect on the physical, social and mental self. For example, if you look in the mirror and are hit with negative feelings about yourself. You're seeing how you look physically, which may not line up with what you'd like to see. You may feel social pressure to present or appear differently and mentally because our minds can warp what we see in the mirror and focus on aspects of ourselves that don't give us the full picture.

To illustrate this point, I think back to early in Cyndi's transition. She would come out of the bedroom in the morning and look forlorn. I would ask her what was wrong and she would express feeling as though she looked very masculine, or as if "she was never going to pass". This very rarely lined up with what I saw in my wife, and it left me unsure which of us wasn't seeing the full truth. I suspect both of us honestly. She was seeing all her traits that she didn't like, and I generally focus on far more positive traits because I love her. My responses rarely helped her to feel less dysphoric though, as her feelings were reflecting her inner beliefs.

I know that I can get this way too. Though for me it's more about pictures than mirrors. (likely because I tend to avoid mirrors, mostly because of their dysphoria risk.) I try very hard to look at a picture of myself without judgement. Depending on the day and my mood at the time, I have varying success at being non-judgmental with myself.

So what can be done about this? How does one deal with this issue? I believe that everyone has their own way, and their own coping mechanisms that work for them. One thing that's worked for me is taking the focus off visual cues and focusing more on other senses. I like the way I smell, so I focus on that. I feel validated when I run my fingers across my facial hair stubble, or through my hair. When I am faced with a picture or myself in the mirror, I try to focus on things I do like so that I'm not focusing on negatives. For me that's my ears, shoulders, smile/lips and freckles.

What do you do when you're faced with dysphoria from the mirror or pictures?

An Analogy

When one first starts their transition in some fashion it seems to be like being a shipwreck survivor.
At first the story starts with a woman floating unseen on a tiny lifeboat at sea. {The life boat is the man suit, the sea is life in general.}
She is unseen, drifting along however the currents take her. Eventually she sees a chance at life. Perhaps it is a civilized island, a pocket of humanity, or she sees a ship.
For the TS person the island is the body of knowledge available to humanity regarding transsexuals. The ship is the visible transgender community. Some are on the ship as fellow castaway; others are on the boat looking for castaways.
If she spots land and heads for it, or spots the ship and hails it, she can make her way out of the life raft and to a safer situation.
The ship is headed to the island she needs to get to, so there is something of a bonus for our castaway.

Now the island is full of savages who mean well but have odd customs and rituals. {The savages are the doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, society at large and various other gatekeepers and lore keepers.}
The only thing our castaway wants is to join the islands culture. But to join the culture and become a productive member of society she must follow the protocols and rituals of the gatekeepers. Once she becomes part of society she becomes much more functional as a person and is no longer drifting out to sea.

Spokane Trans* People documents ~Sevan

Hey all!
So I'm the facilitator of my local trans* support/social group. I think I've mentioned that a time or four. ;) So in prep for Pride we've been creating many documents for us to share, as well as our own version of the Trans* flag! I'd love to see our hard work shared and used to educate and bring people together.

Here is a PDF brochure that's aimed at educating allies.
Here is a PDF brochure that's a 101 introduction to MtF identity.
Here is a PDF brochure that's a 101 introduction to FtM identity.
Here is a PDF brochure that's a 101 introduction to Genderqueer/Non-binary identities.
Here is a PDF hand out that's a glossary of terms for transgender concepts.

Last but most certainly not least...here's our version of the trans* flag.

From top to bottom the colors represent MtF (Blue, to pink) Non binary identities represented by the purple and white stripe, and FtM (pink to blue)

Finally a new transition update! ~Sevan

:) Enjoy! Sorry it took so long for me to get back to videos...eesh!

The double standard of trans dating.

There is a double standard in the trans community when it comes to our lovers.

If a woman is turned on by a trans gender persons body and is happy to be in a relationship with a trans person she is hailed as progressive, a paragon of virtue with an open mind.

If a man is turned on by a trans gender persons body and is happy to be in a relationship with a trans person he is labeled a deviant, a predator and the ultimate 'insult' a chaser.

Just pointing it out.
It looks like an ugly thing to me.
Whats your opinion?