Targeted by TERFs

This morning when I tried to log into Facebook I found that I was banned from posting or liking Facebook posts for 24 hours. I am only able to like comments people make on posts.


So what did I do that warranted being put in 'Facebook Jail' for 24 hours?


Well it turns out that a certain TERF did not like what I had said in a comment I made to a thread about 6 months ago.
What was it I said? Something to the effect that the TERF in question is in my opinion unstable and dangerous. I also said something to the effect that I worry that someday I will read in the news that she has killed a trans* woman.


I stand by that. TERFs scare the hell out of me. They are so blindly focused on their rage fetish (transsexual and transgender women) that they seem willing to go to any lengths to harm us. When one of us stands up to them we get doxxed, dead-named and often cyber stalked and bullied. If these activities send a trans* woman into a suicidal spin, and the girl checks out, then those TERFs have killed a person. You do not need to be wielding a gun or a knife to murder. TERFs know that trans* women are particularly vulnerable to suicidal ideation, yet they continue to be a thorn in our collective sides.
Would I be surprised to hear a TERF had killed a trans* woman first hand via murder? Unfortunately no. They have shown they are capable of hatred of trans* women. Why should I doubt they are capable of violence against trans* women?


I will not hold my tongue when the topic turns to Radfem TERFs. They are dangerous for trans* women. They have shown repeatedly how much they hate us, so if they come up in casual conversation I will warn my trans* sisters about them every time.


Cathy Brennan, you got me put in Facebook jail for a whooping 24 hours, over a comment that was about 6 months old. You are a petty bitch.


Well I certainly will take this opportunity to tell it like it is about you one more time.

Burn out is real, and it's not a sign of weakness ~Sevan

Social media is a powerful tool for the social justice advocate. Trans people can connect with one another, share issues, band together and get things done. For some of us, maybe even all of us (whether we recognize it or not) it becomes a horrible space where the work never ends, and friends, fun, family and social justice work all blend together. 

It sends the message that you should never stop working. This is a dangerous message. People need to be able to have safe places to relax and recharge. Often wonderful wise people face burn out and the movement loses those people, all their skills, knowledge and cooperation. We have to rebuild, train, connect and build new relationships. We constantly start over, but push and push for people work, attend events, research, read every article that gets shared by every single friend who shares all your same beliefs and advocates along side you.

An example. I created a Twitter account to follow musicians that I liked. The whole purpose was fun and relaxation. Twitter told all my Facebook friends that I had created a Twitter. Of course they wanted to add me, they *are* my friends, so I wanted to add them too! Quickly my twitter feed was so covered in angry trans issues, fights and encouragement to help remove trolls from Twitter to the point that I no longer go to Twitter at all. That is not to say that this issues that I was presented with on Twitter weren't important, but one only has so much time and so much energy.

We need to protect ourselves but also support others in our community. If we encourage one another to take care of themselves, our community becomes stronger and healthier. My request to those trans advocates is to consider who you're going to reach. Who reads you? Do they likely follow the same pages you follow? If so, they've probably already seen the article you're considering sharing. Not only can this be frustrating but depending on what the information is, it can be triggering and painful.

I know for myself, seeing article after article about trans people who have committed suicide hurts me deeply. I am experiencing secondary trauma, and I am not alone.

Here are some things that you can do to help build up the community, but still participate in sharing important information.

#1 Use trigger warnings, and consider not including the preview image. Pictures are bigger than words, so often a trigger image of a person who's passed away, or a person who appears grief stricken can be the first thing someone sees even if you use trigger warnings.

#2 Share your thoughts about the article, and then link the article in a comment, rather than in the body of your status or post.

#3 Pay attention when someone says they're down or struggling. Ask how you can help. Share things with them that helps you cope. Often times, people don't realize the level of stress they're under. We've gotten very good at ignoring our internal signals. Good friends can remind us to check in with that internal signal.

#4 Learn more about self care and what makes you tick. Share articles and images that lift your community up, in equal part to negative articles that are intended as a call to action.

#5 If you've seen an article more than two times, chances are, your friends have seen it too. Consider not sharing it.

Spokane TALL is on the scene

First, I'm sorry for abandoning this blog. (again....) So many people rage, or write, or express themselves in some fashion when they're hurt or angry. I find that when the world gets nasty, I shut down. It's not particularly helpful, but it is what happens. The heightened publicity of trans murders and suicides just hurts me so deeply. Not so say that it DOESN'T hurt others, I have no doubt that it does. I just don't know what to do with that, I suppose.

Anyway, that's not what I'm here to talk about today. There's a project I've been part of since May. Spokane TALL. Tall stands for Transgender Advocacy, Learning and Leadership. In my view, it's a much needed project locally. For the last year we've been working slowly on by-laws, organization and getting our ducks in a row. Thinking about "who are we" and making sure we have our feet firmly under us. The project is made up (so far) of people who are very involved in other things, so progress is slow, but that's been ok.

We burst on the scene this Transgender Day of Visibility. We ended up with three events during the week! Monday we received a proclamation from the Mayor, proclaiming Spokane's first TDOV. Then Tuesday we showed Kumu Hina followed by a panel discussion. We had sixty four people in attendance!! I can't tell you how big that is. Just believe me, it is. Events are rarely that large in this city.

Saturday we wrapped things up with a transgender health care forum, presented by Danni of Gender Justice League. I wasn't sure what the turn out would be, but I hoped it would be positive and that there would be a large enough crowd to make it worth Danni's trip over from Seattle (a six hour drive!) I set a goal for 20 people, and would have been blown away and so excited with 30 people. Twenty showed up which was fantastic.

We've got more coming up too. This project is just getting started, and I'm so excited!

Leelah's Law

Leelah Alcorn passed away recently. She was a tormented soul who had lived through religious shame and coercion. She was denied her right to exist by her family and then cut off from her support networks.

Leelah saw no way out, which is so unfortunate. I wish she could have seen what I see in her selfie.

She was young and beautiful with so much potential. But Leelah couldn’t see that it seems. A couple years on HRT and she would have been just another girl in the crowd. But the messages of hatred and shame were far too much. Instead of hearing that she was loved, she was shamed for being different.
Her parents and the church have Leelah Alcorn’s blood on their hands.
The worst part is that there is no scriptural basis for the shame they heaped on their daughter. There is nothing in the scriptures that justify the trauma they put Leelah through.

We need to change society. We need to pass Leelah’s law. Leelah’s law would outlaw the practice of reparative therapy.
Not one more!
Please go to the following website and sign the petition to enact Leelah’s Law.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/enact-leelahs-law-ban-transgender-conversion-therapy-children-and-teens/7FfNrkdS

“Leelah Alcorn, born Joshua Alcorn, was a 17 year old transgender teenager who killed herself on December 27, 2014. In her suicide note, she explains how her parents pulled her out of school, put her in Transgender Conversion Therapy and isolated her in an attempt to change her gender identity, and that this is what lead her to suicide.

Many mental health institutions such as American Association of Pediatrics, have talked about the dangers and ineffectiveness of conversion therapy for gender identity, and others have called upon therapists to stop using the practice all together. We ask that Transgender Conversion be banned at least for minors, as it is unnecessary, dangerous, and not the proper treatment for gender dysphoria.”

Body, Social and Mind dysphoria ~Sevan

Chart by @Cassiebebop

Have you ever looked in the mirror, or at a picture and instantly felt sad or dysphoric about how you perceive yourself? If you're trans*, of course you have!

I recently discovered this graphic online, and it makes SO MUCH SENSE! However, I believe that some things can't be so easily categorized, and that makes those things so much more powerful because of the potential for it to have an effect on the physical, social and mental self. For example, if you look in the mirror and are hit with negative feelings about yourself. You're seeing how you look physically, which may not line up with what you'd like to see. You may feel social pressure to present or appear differently and mentally because our minds can warp what we see in the mirror and focus on aspects of ourselves that don't give us the full picture.

To illustrate this point, I think back to early in Cyndi's transition. She would come out of the bedroom in the morning and look forlorn. I would ask her what was wrong and she would express feeling as though she looked very masculine, or as if "she was never going to pass". This very rarely lined up with what I saw in my wife, and it left me unsure which of us wasn't seeing the full truth. I suspect both of us honestly. She was seeing all her traits that she didn't like, and I generally focus on far more positive traits because I love her. My responses rarely helped her to feel less dysphoric though, as her feelings were reflecting her inner beliefs.

I know that I can get this way too. Though for me it's more about pictures than mirrors. (likely because I tend to avoid mirrors, mostly because of their dysphoria risk.) I try very hard to look at a picture of myself without judgement. Depending on the day and my mood at the time, I have varying success at being non-judgmental with myself.

So what can be done about this? How does one deal with this issue? I believe that everyone has their own way, and their own coping mechanisms that work for them. One thing that's worked for me is taking the focus off visual cues and focusing more on other senses. I like the way I smell, so I focus on that. I feel validated when I run my fingers across my facial hair stubble, or through my hair. When I am faced with a picture or myself in the mirror, I try to focus on things I do like so that I'm not focusing on negatives. For me that's my ears, shoulders, smile/lips and freckles.

What do you do when you're faced with dysphoria from the mirror or pictures?

TDOR 2014

Today , November 20th is the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance.

I have no lengthy post or depressing statistics. Those are available in plenty of  other places.

Light a candle and say a prayer for our lost brothers and sisters.

 

Queer Youth Spaces Need Our Support

When you were a young person how would you have felt if you knew there was a place that spoke directly to your identity and the issues surrounding them? A place where adults mentored youth just like you and there was no cost for you would have been a god send wouldn’t it?

There is such a place in Spokane, Washington for LGBT youth and their allies. It is the Odyssey Youth Center which from here on will be referred to as OYC.

I used to volunteer at the center for a short time. When I was there and got to see the daily operations of OYC I saw a place of refuge. I saw a place of safety. I saw a place where youth are sure to have access to a good meal. I saw a place where youth had access to free clothing. I saw a place that was teaching leadership skills to young adults. I saw a place teaching life skills to young adults. At OYC I saw a place where young adult LGBT individuals were becoming better people. I saw that OYC is a refuge in a world that is all too often cruel to those who are different than the hetronormative society.

Let me tell you the story of one young adult who I met while I was there in the capacity of youth mentor. I will call her Mambles for this story. As Mambles is not a real name for anyone, I am pretty sure you know now that I am not outing her. Also I will alter a portion or two of this story for expediency and confidentiality.
When Mambles came into the center she was there because she had heard that kids like her were safe at OYC and there was free food. She actually looked like a fabulous young gay man when I first met her as she is a transgender girl who was pretransition. Well she noticed me right off the bat. I am a late in life transsexual woman and it is pretty obvious that I am TS with an educated glance.
Well shortly into her being there she revealed that she was not really a fabulous gay boy. Rather she was a transsexual woman and she needed to transition but due to living situation, she could not let that information out yet.

Well my first thought was this girl needs a shave, make up and some new clothes. She needs a support group and online resources, and a gender therapist…. Yes, my mind was already whirling with what I could do to help her.

But I also know not to overwhelm a person in the early stages of a transition.
The first thing I said to her was “Well you know we have a clothing closet full of cute girls clothes. I am sure we have something that will fit you.”

Mambles eyes lit up and I could tell that she wanted to dress up and she confirmed it immediately. “I can wear girl clothes here?”

“Yes you can. At OYC we respect all people of all gender identities. If you want to change clothes here we will all be cool with that.”

So we went to the closet and on the way I introduced her to one of the other youth. The two of them started talking and after I pointed out the closet I walked away to let the youth chat while Mambles found new wardrobe choices.

Well soon enough Mambles came and found me and she was beaming and a hot mess. Of course she was, you should have seen some of my early wardrobe choices…

Anyway:

Mambles was happy. We started chit chatting a bit and I eventually worked around to the topic of her beard…(Now I have no issues with a beard on a man or a genderqueer, but on a TS woman it just does not look right.)

“If you want I can go get some of the razors for you.” OYC really didn’t have any razors at the time, but I keep a box of brand new quality disposable razors in the car, because well you know…I am TS and self conscious like that.

Immediately without hesitation “YES I would like to shave.”

I told her to wait there and I would be right back. As I came back and handed her some razors one of the youth was telling her about the makeup available. Nothing expensive as OYC has limited funds and the eye makeup she used became hers as we do not share eye makeup. Soon enough Mambles was shaved, made up and cute, with a stash of some make up items set aside.

Well during this time period food was being prepared by someone, I cannot remember who. The point being that a meal was and is served every evening that OYC is open.

After a meal there was a program of some sort. Maybe it was on safer sex, or maybe it was a leadership exercise, or perhaps it was LGBT movie night. I really cannot remember, but the point being is that every night OYC has some form of programming for the youth.

After program time, Mambles had to change back to male clothes and wash the makeup off. I felt for her, I have been in that place myself and it sucks. But it is part of the crucible TS women go through and Mambles was not going to be able to avoid it.

I saw Mambles a few times over a period of a month. She seemed to become a bit less war worn and a little more like a normal teen. The safe environment seemed to take some of the harder edges off of her. By the end of the month it was decided that it was not proper for me to work at OYC as my spouse is the person at OYC who is in charge of the volunteers and youth mentors.

I miss doing volunteer work as a youth mentor at OYC; but I do understand the reasons my spouses supervisor put forward as to why I cannot volunteer at OYC.

I did get to see Mambles after my OYC stint one day though. I was in the city park just walking through and Mambles had spotted me in the crowd. She came running up to me to chat for a minute. She was dressed as a boy as she does not have the safe home environment to go full time yet. She had a smile on her face but not the best of stories to tell. Life is not easy on LGBT youth. But she was upbeat and looked healthier than last time I saw her.

I cannot say what has become of Mambles as I have not seen her in long time and it is not appropriate for me to ask Sevan as Sevan must maintain confidentiality with the youth’s information. I like to think that the opportunities provided at OYC have in some way enriched her life.

Imagine if you could have had that type of experience as a young TS woman. A place to safely and openly express yourself as a woman, even if for a short afternoon would have been wonderful wouldn’t it? I know that it would have been a god send for me in my youth had I had the chance. There was a bit of a vicarious moment or two as I watched this young woman basically start her transition in OYC.

All year long LGBT youth have empowering experiences at OYC.
Young lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth of Spokane have a place of refuge and kinship. That place of refuge has been running in some capacity for over 20 years. I have heard in the early days there was no sign out front. You could only get in if you knew the password and you went in the back door, and that was after you had called the phone number only vetted people could have.
Those days being an LGBT youth in Spokane was much more dangerous and such measures were a result of the times.

Now OYC sits on Perry Street with a proud and loud sign out front. Youth enter through the front door and are not as stigmatized for being queer. They have a safe place to socialize with other LGBT youth. It is a place where our youth can learn leadership skills, cultural competency, safer sex and a place to get a hot meal.  
I think that the safety these youth experience today is because there was an OYC for the generation before them. Imagine what the OYC is going to be like in the future?

So now to the pitch:
Please take the chance to invest in the future of the youth of Spokane and donate to OYC. You will notice that the side of the page has a ‘donate now’ button. The money goes directly to the bank account of OYC. Not a penny of that money goes through my hands. I am just being nice and putting their donation button on my blog page. OYC is funded through grants and generous donations by people like you.
OYC is a 501c3 organization.

Now if you are not flush with cash, please do not feel the need to donate. It can be difficult on the wallet being an LGBT citizen; I am asking the well off of us who do give money to these types of causes to consider giving some of your philanthropy money to OYC.

And if you didn’t catch it in the above wall of text:
Full Disclosure: My Spouse is an Employee of OYC.

TLDR:
A sappy emotional plea for the reader to donate money to the Odyssey Youth Center.