Where'd ya get that name and how do I say it?

When I first became aware of transgender identity issues within myself I took on the name Kyle. I never imagined actually ever *using* the name....so I didn't put much thought or consideration into it. No one was ever going to know, because I was never going to come out, and never going to transition so there wasn't much need to put value or thought into the name.

A number of years later (Sept 2009-ish) I started thinking more and more about names in general, and how would I feel about the name Kyle. At the time I was operating under the belief that there were only two choices when it came to gender. "Man" or "Woman". I didn't really feel comfortable in my skin as a woman so I was thinking about transitioning. I wasn't so sure I would be comfortable as a man either....but I chalked that up to self doubt and fear. So I started looking at names. I fell in love with the name Evan. It just...it had such a sweet sound and warms my heart. I'd found my name. I even picked a middle name that I felt fit perfectly with it!

However...the fact still remains that I'm not a man. In my search I discovered androgyny and it fit! *Eureka!* I told Cynthia about the name "game" I was playing and was thinking about keeping Evan as an androgynous name. I've met women and men both named Evan...

I was kind of sad to give up my birth name entirely. It's served me well, I became a married person with that name, my mother cherished it and lovingly bestowed it upon me...Sara. If you look up the meaning of the name you'll find "Sara. A princess" and while the idea makes me blush a little to admit...it's me. I was named after the book "A little princess" and the character Sara is just like me when I was a child. Or rather... I was just like her. One thing that does bother me about the name Sara is just how common it is! All through out my childhood I was surrounded by at least one other Sara(h). In my circle of friends in high school there were two other Sara's. In my core classes Freshman year there were three other Sara's! That gets old...let me say.

One night Cynthia was playing with words as she's known to do and she combined Sara and Evan in a few different forms...one of those was Sevan. It stuck. It was perfect! I thought...it's unique, it's special, no one else is going to have this name!! YES! It's mine!! Oddly enough the number 7 has actually always been my favorite number. As a child playing sports 7 was my uniform number through out the years. I find that funny now.

On a lark I decided to google "Sevan"....little did I know..it IS a real name! It's of Armenian origin and it means "life giving sweet water". The name comes from Lake Sevan in Armenia. Humorously I am clearly NOT Armenian! I'm a blond haired, blue eyed, fair skinned European mutt.

So just how is it pronounced? I don't know how anyone else pronounces it. Seeing as I thought we'd made it up....I prefer for it to be pronounced like this. Say the name "Evan" now put an "S" in front of it. "Sevan". See..kind of sounds like the number 7, but it's got that slightly soft "a" in there.

It's not legally mine yet... which is growing frustrating for me, but I decided to change my name legally this summer when I switch jobs. That's not that far off. I can wait.

YAY I am legaly ME!

So yesterday I got my name change all legal and proper. I am very happy and excited to have this milestone completed.
After court yesterday we went to Red Lobster. Now normaly I don't shill for companies but ...I gota make an exception when it comes to that restaurant. Great food.
After lunch we went shopping. I got a couple pairs of jeans and a jean top.
Have a great day folks!

A sign?

Yesterday I went to file my paper work to officially change my name.

The date I was given for my court appearance is on my birthday!

So barring any judicial prejudice I will become Cynthia Patricia Lee-Bussell on my 42nd birthday! That's an awesome birthday present!

My choice in name

One of the few wonderful things for a transperson is that we get to choose our own names. Names can be for a multitude of reasons so I will not elaborate on the motivation of others and will only seek to provide my motivation in this matter.

My first name is Cynthia. To the distaste of some of my very close family. I find that it IS my name regardless of what I thought. Cynthia was the name I chose at about 14. This was my greatest secret. That I had a female identity. The name would leave my conscience for years then come back. Stronger each time. An aware mind can not sustain living a lie. My name is Cynthia. Cynthia was the name of one of my first girlfriends. She was really the kind of chick I wanted to be at the time. Not the best choice of names I thought but it stuck. Then I looked up what Cynthia means and I am very pleased…..

From Wiki:

Cynthia is a feminine personal name of Greek origin: Κυνθία, Kynthía, "from Mount Cynthus" on Delos island. It can be abbreviated as Cindy.

Cynthia was originally an epithet of the Greek goddess of the moon, Artemis, who was sometimes called "Cynthia" because, according to legend, the goddess was born on Mount Cynthus.

From UrbanDictionary

Cynthia's are often shy people, but once your get to know a Cynthia they are one of the most loyal and friendly type of people you would ever be lucky enough to meet. Cynthia's love to talk but are often quiet to listen to their friend's problems. Cynthia's do not like sports, and are often too worried about life once but once you get to know a Cynthia you will see little by little that they let loose and have fun. Cynthia' s are often known by there sad looking eyes and that gloomy look on there face, often they have dark hair and a pale dead like face because they are after all named after the goddess of the moon, and like the moon you will soon see their pale beauty and mysterious personalty, know as the invisible girl, a Cynthia can be a great leader,but is always ready to be a team player

So it is my name. I like it and I also like Cindy which I readily respond to. Which is a relief as I worried I wouldn’t respond to my name due to years of being conditioned to be Pete.

Next my second name Patricia. I chose this name to honor my stepmother Pat. She put up with allot of shit from my family and saw my father to his grave and is his widow. She worked hard and provided well with little recourses. I learned how to be frugal watching her as I grew up. Patricia is a solid and capable woman who had her shit together most of the time. Also the name provides the nickname Pattie which sounds very much like Petey. So my friends and family have an option that sounds similar to my original name that will also get me to respond.

From Wiki

Patricia, in English pronounced /pəˈtrɪʃə/, is a common female given name of Latin origin. It is derived from the Latin word patrician, meaning "noble".

Then my last name. Lee-Bussell. I like that women get a hyphenated last name. As a married woman I should have one so I chose the last name of Lee as my ‘maiden name’. Lee is a two part reason. First my mothers name is Leigh which sounds exactly like Lee. I never really liked the way her name is spelled but I like the name. In her honor I chose to be Lee in last name. There is another reason I chose Lee. On April 9, 1865, at the house of Wilmer McLean in the village of Appomattox Courthouse General Lee surrendered to Grant and effectively ended the American civil war. General Grant allowed Lee to surrender in honor. Inside my mind has been a civil war. Peter against Cynthia. The war within is over. There is peace over a well scared battlefield. As Peter is Cynthia the war could not maintain for as Lincoln said; a house divided against itself can not stand. So within myself Peter is Lee and Cynthia was Grant. So why chose Lee? Because Peter is Cynthia Cynthia had to surender to self and remember that Grant allowed Lee to surrender honorably. So I chose Lee for these reasons.

From Thinkbabynames

The girl's name Lee \ lee\, also used as boy's name Lee, is pronounced lee. It is of Old English origin, and its meaning is "meadow or pasture". Lee is often chosen as a middle name.

Cynthia Lee