Stop with the transphobic slurs please.

Lately there has been a kerfuffle over transsexual women requesting that the word “Tranny” be removed from the name of an event in Australia. The event is called “Tranny Bingo” for those who do not already know.

Some folks are acting like this is a new thing but it isn’t. Transsexual women have been asking that this slur be removed from the polite lexicon and be relegated to the same heap that other slurs are placed. This word should not be used in any context in polite conversation. Personally I can see no use for the word except in one situation, porn; and only because it makes the search easy for the porn sellers and buyers. (I am not an unreasonable person.)

If you are sitting behind your keyboard taking it to town and want to search for some porn of your choosing then go ahead and shamefully type it into the search bar. Otherwise you should just not say it, type it or otherwise cause the word to be used in a polite conversation.

Why?

Because we asked you to do so as we see it as a slur for trans* woman. That should be enough. I shouldn’t have to debate you that this term is OK. It isn’t! If you are not a trans* person you have no currency in this conversation. None. Zero. Zip. NADA! So just stop using slurs. It is simple really.

A very well spoken young TS woman responds to a potential suitor.

The following text is a message that I received from a friend. I was rather impressed with what she had to say and I asked her to post it on her blog. But she declined and suggested that I should share it on mine and attribute it to an anonymous writer.

So I shall do so. Here is the entirety of the message I received from Anonymous Writer:





Anonymous: "so I posted this to somebody on a dating site that said he was conflicted with the fact that he was attracted to me knowing that I am trans..."





"There's no need to be in conflict about being attracted to me. You're either cool with me and the knowledge that I live my life like any normal, regular, everyday, boring girl; or you hate the fact that my genitalia does not follow conventional standards and you decide to walk away.

Being with a transgirl is not something that everyone can handle, and I respect that. A lot of men seem to think that it makes them gay, which is a false assumption; or even more insulting still, they are afraid that someone will "find out" - suggesting that they would be ashamed to be dating a transgirl.

Also, a lot of people assume that because I'm trans that I'm some sexual object. Sure I enjoy sex, but I'm as average as any boring girl when it comes to sex.

People may also assume that I may be desperate; I will grant them that it can be hard to find truly open minded people - but it's far from impossible; and just because someone does accept me and shows they have no problem with me does not automatically mean that I will throw myself at them.

The thing to take away from this message is: I'm not a desperate, sex-hungry, porn-star transvestite - I am a normal, everyday, nerdy, laid back, hard working girl. I tell the world that I am a girl, and that's all they need to know, because it's the truth. I may have unconventional genitalia for a female, but that's no-one's business but my own. An uncircumcised male isn't required to go around broadcasting that he is uncircumcised, would he? So I feel no such obligation to disclose to the world about my situation.

I post the fact that I trans on my profile not as a courtesy to other people, but as a guard for myself. Posting it up front can filter out hostile people and potentially emotionally damaging situations later on. To be completely honest, I feel no obligation posting that information in my profile; I believe that if someone has such a huge hangup about dating a transgirl, then it is their responsibility to ask."


...





I think she has a good chance at finding Mr. Right with this outlook on life.



Have a great day!

Cynthia Lee

Sorry I haven't been posting.

Sorry.

Not much to say. The days have been full of work. Summer is almost to an end. Perhaps when the weather changes and the garden is done I will have more time.

hugz and luv,
Cynthia Lee

Please don't shame me...I just want to talk.

We don't all learn the same way. I think that's clear. Everyone learns differently and certain methods of learning will go over some folk’s heads, while other methods would have a huge and potentially lasting impact. 

One of the ways people learn is through conversation and/or debate. This applies especially to social issues. People are exposed to ideas and concepts that they've never even thought about, thus...they're not likely to go and research, or read books about if they'd never even thought about it before. This is quite useful in social media. 

While the average person going about their life; in this case, let's say we're talking about the average trans* person; they should not be expected to answer questions about being trans*. (Though we all know plenty of people who ask plenty of questions; appropriate or not...) However, a person who considers themselves to be an advocate should be willing and/or able to answer questions or direct people towards resources. (Even advocates need time off for self care and fun.) 

When in a position to advocate and educate you will run into people who are ignorant to your views or experiences. Either by their own choice to be ignorant, or because they've not experienced the ideas or concepts before. 

It can sometimes feel like you're stuck on "101 level" for all of eternity. I know..but that doesn't mean that people don't need you. You might sometimes feel like shouting out "I'm not a book!! Go check out any of the many books/blogs/DVDs on the topic!!" Then again, if they knew of such resources I'd like to think they'd seek those out. (Brings us back o the beginning of this blog...everyone learns differently, and many learn through conversation) 

Many people meet new information that is different than currently held beliefs with aggression; be that verbal or physical. Learning new information that is at odds with existing beliefs or understanding is uncomfortable. Advocates and educators need to understand that this is normal human behavior. One never should accept violence against themselves, but a little understanding goes a long way. Being able to explain to the person where their discomfort stems from and normalizing the behavior may ease the experience and allow for a more healthy coping mechanism.

Knowing all of this…I've recently had two ideas that are somewhat contradictory; and I wanted to talk to someone about it in hopes that I might come to a better understanding. The specific issue isn't that important…What prompted this post was that perhaps I was ignorant to a concept, or didn't have full understanding. I learn via conversations, and understand concepts best through talking with people. Stands to reason that this is why that’s my preferred mode of educating/advocating.

When I sought out someone to talk to I was nervous about appearing ignorant, wanting to “fit in” and not be bothersome. I started to notice a trend…the community of people I was looking to talk to shamed people for being ignorant or disagreeing with them. Even to question their views would subject you to ridicule and name calling.

To ridicule someone for differing views is to encourage them to anchor into their view which we’re trying to change. You can’t SHAME people into agreeing with you. Pretty sure that’s not how that works. 

OutServe Screws Up

So OutServe canned their executive director and the entire senior staff resigns in protest over the firing.
http://www.bilerico.com/2013/06/outservesldn_exec_dir_fired_senior_staff_resigns.php

Obviously she had the hearts of the staff and that is the most vital thing an executive director can have. Now whoever comes in will have to fight upstream for anything. The staff will resent any new ex. director and the queer community is looking on and shaking their collective heads. OutServe is in a very piss poor place right now.

This is a good time for the OutServe board members and staff that have stayed on to say 'mea culpa' and the Senior members of the board of directors need to fall on the sword so to speak and vacate their positions.

You screwed the pooch OutServe.

One comment I saw on facebook sums it up rather nicely I think: "Founders Syndrome".



Oh and one more thing OutServe: You canned a transsexual woman over personality conflict. She was doing her job and by the response of your senior staff she was doing it well.
You no longer have the good will of the trans* community.

An open letter to the Spokane Trans* Comunity

An open letter to the Spokane trans* community:


I am asking everyone to re-unify and put aside differences.

Consider the troubles that have drove us apart over the last year. Every one of them is a minor issue in the grand scheme of things. Not a single one of the issues has been of the magnitude of a really serious issue. We never needed law enforcement to interfere and we haven't gone to blows. Nothing like those things has happened. Mainly we have had personality conflict that was informed by misunderstandings and hurt egos.

We can fix this. The rifts are repairable as they are not based in any major betrayals. Sure there has been some petty infighting, gossiping and back biting, but that is minor stuff.

I want to point out that it has been said many times (and it seems very obvious): You don’t go through life trans* and not come out with some amount of PTSD. Just the trauma of living in the wrong body, or in a society that does not accept us will result in PTSD. You don’t have to even transition to have this problem.
A large amount of us have issues with boundaries. A large amount of us have issues socializing in groups.

Every one of these things that we have issues with can cause friction. We are all dealing with varying levels of personal issues. We are a fragile community and as such we can break. But when you have something beautiful that breaks, you try and glue it back together and treat it better.

Also, we have to take into consideration that people tend to have trouble dealing with others who have the same flaws they perceive they have themselves. 

These things do make for a tough battle and have for us. But we can prevail and stay a strong force for the community.

 ~~~~~~~
Proposal:
We come back together and get back to the mission of supporting each other and saving lives, which I can assure you, we have saved lives.
We work with the understanding that most of us are flawed. There will be disagreements and issues in the future. But we have to work past those issues. Lives are literally on the line.
 ~~~~~~

I own my part in the troubles. I am not perfect and I do not fight fair at all. It is one of my flaws.
But nothing happens in a vacuum. I had my own reasons and I felt pretty passionate about them and my feelings were hurt also a few times down the road this last year.

I am totally committed to letting that go and moving forward for the community. My precious and tender ego will just have to get over it as I move on. I do not have time to let my hurt feelings take over my mission. Not over small shit. I can't stay mad over small shit. Can I talk you into letting bygones be bygones so we can move forward?

Now that Pride week is over we have a simple easy summer ahead of us. Due to Pride we will see a number of new people trickle in over the next couple of months. With visibility we attract more of our own.


In two weeks we will have our standard issue get together. I hope to see you there.

Have a great day and a better tomorrow,
Cynthia Lee

PRIDE in Spokane!!!

This is PRIDE week in Spokane, Washington. Come on out and celebrate your LGBT PRIDE and have some fun!