Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Chest? Breasts? what's an androgyn to do...


A few things about my body really bother me. I recognize this isn't all together that strange. Most people have issues with "this, that, or the other" about their body. For me, my weight is an issue. I've been exercising and getting stronger, building more stamina and trying to be conscious about what I put in my mouth.

The other issue for me is the size of my breasts. I have a 38DDD chest. There's no binder in the world that will flatten my chest. That makes it pretty darn difficult to ever hope to pass as male.

I've found a local plastic surgeon. I emailed a few different surgeons that are local and then planned consultations with two that I felt comfortable with. After both consultations I've chosen the surgeon I'm going to go with. She's confident that she can get me down to a B-C cup and that I'll heal well. If all goes well with the request that's being put into my insurance I should be under the knife in May sometime!

I've thought a great great deal on the issue of breasts. On the one don't have them! However I've thought on this issue alot. More than might be considered healthy (lmao...) and I really honestly do like my breasts. I remember liking them when they were smaller. I tried to imagine myself with a flat male chest and I just can't envision that. That feels wrong to me. I thought long and hard about how..."maybe I could learn to be ok with a chest?" Why would I want to do that though? Why would I remove something I ENJOY, and something that's healthy tissue that belongs on my body. The fact that I can not manage to bind them does cause me distress. The fact that I feel they're balloonish and draw all sorts of unwanted attention causes me distress. The fact that I *have breasts* does not cause me distress. If I were to decide to remove them in a "chest reconstruction surgery" it would be purely for societal reasons. That doesn't really fit with me. If I'm going to do things for society I might as well just stop taking T and stop transitioning! Last I checked...I was transitioning to feel MORE comfortable in my body and in my skin. Not less, or equally distressed; just in a different way.

So that is why I'm going with a reduction. I can keep my breasts, and I can (hopefully) bind safely and more easily. They do also pull on my back causing me very real pain that is unrelated to my gender identity. I'll be quite glad to get rid of that pain. I'll also fit into tops, and buy bras from the store rather than online!! Really quite excited about that. Sports bras will actually fit, and exercising won't be as uncomfortable! There are so many reasons to be really excited...and I just can't wait for the surgery to come and go, and let the healing really begin.