Transpredjudice in a transperson

In the last 10 days I have discovered a level of transphobia within myself that is very upsetting.

Not too long ago I was looking at a picture of a super hot and handsome FTM that honestly just took my breath away. I wish I could remember the name of the dude. Anyways as I sat there lusting him I thought 'yeah but he isn't a man for real.' The thought startled me. I have spent alot of time just trying to fix this predjudice then....
...Saturday I met the local suport group of transwomen and cross dressers. My thoughts about them were not what I would call politicaly corect or even nice.
I found myself silently judgeing each gal for passability, and level of male characteristics. Only 1 of the women in the group passes, actually I thought she was a GG. The rest didnt even seem like they cared to try and pass.
I found myself thinking that I would not want to be in a public space with them because I wouldn't want to be considered one of 'them'.

So then the next day the 1 woman in the group who couldn't pass in a room full of blind men sent me an email (I joined thier forum) asking if I would like to do coffee. She has a ton of questions and she is looking for an Endo...
At first I felt very uncomfortable and a bit of a traitor to my transfamily for being so unexcepting of her and her friends.

So instead of ignoreing the request or trying to bail out alltogather, I agreed that we should get togather soon probably in the next week or so...
So we will probably nail down a time and place within the next few days as we trade emails. Now its a matter of details. But I am very uncomfortable with the thought of being seen with her in public.

So I am skum and I know it.

hides her self under a rock.....