Monday, March 8, 2010

Transpredjudice in a transperson

In the last 10 days I have discovered a level of transphobia within myself that is very upsetting.

Not too long ago I was looking at a picture of a super hot and handsome FTM that honestly just took my breath away. I wish I could remember the name of the dude. Anyways as I sat there lusting him I thought 'yeah but he isn't a man for real.' The thought startled me. I have spent alot of time just trying to fix this predjudice then....
...Saturday I met the local suport group of transwomen and cross dressers. My thoughts about them were not what I would call politicaly corect or even nice.
I found myself silently judgeing each gal for passability, and level of male characteristics. Only 1 of the women in the group passes, actually I thought she was a GG. The rest didnt even seem like they cared to try and pass.
I found myself thinking that I would not want to be in a public space with them because I wouldn't want to be considered one of 'them'.

So then the next day the 1 woman in the group who couldn't pass in a room full of blind men sent me an email (I joined thier forum) asking if I would like to do coffee. She has a ton of questions and she is looking for an Endo...
At first I felt very uncomfortable and a bit of a traitor to my transfamily for being so unexcepting of her and her friends.

So instead of ignoreing the request or trying to bail out alltogather, I agreed that we should get togather soon probably in the next week or so...
So we will probably nail down a time and place within the next few days as we trade emails. Now its a matter of details. But I am very uncomfortable with the thought of being seen with her in public.

So I am skum and I know it.

hides her self under a rock.....


Jenny said...

I remember the first time I ever encountered a trans woman with passing issues, a few years ago in a shop in the town I live in. Yeah, it was a bit of a shock and yes there was an element of what you describe. Kinda like looking in the mirror :)

Coming away from that fleeting encounter I realised one thing. I have no idea whether she would describe herself as TV, TS, TG, whether she was pre or post-op or whatever but in crude terms I may self-evidently have been the one with the balls but I had nothing like the balls of steel she had to go out looking as she did. Still don't.

So if she's got the balls to do it, figurative or otherwise, then she's probably got enough for both of you. Enjoy the coffee, enjoy meeting any stares with a "So what!". Confronting feelings like these head-on is the only way to deal with them.