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Monday, August 25, 2014

You can not have a perfect society if you walk away from it.


Sometimes hurt people lash out.

Recently we had a kerfuffle in the TS community. A prominent TS woman and another semi prominent TS woman had a go at each other.
This devolved into a camps forming matter.

But this is not what I wanted to talk about. A comment I saw in one of the posts about this fight prompted this post.

I want to talk about the people who decide that because the TS community is fractured and doesn’t get along that they will not help anymore.

Well excuse me!

This is a community that is in allot of pain, and has suffered trauma after trauma. We are incapable of functioning as a cohesive unit. I saw one TS person make the comment this morning “I too have left the trans community to wither and die on its own ... the community is a creature that will surely consume itself, tail first.

This last sentiment was the most privileged and bullshit thing I have read in a month of Sundays!
If you want to fix a community you do not do it by blowing it off; the idea that only functional people deserve respect and to be worked with is anathema to the cause of equal rights. The idea that you are only willing to work with people who get along perfectly is a self defeating idea that is more poisonous than the evil the perpetrator of inequality gives out.

You take the community as is. If it is not up to your personal standards you do not walk away shaking your head and decrying how they will never get it. Of course they won’t! The people who could help walk away out of some idea that life needs to be perfect.

You do not get a perfect world. You do not get perfect people. You get to work with the same bag of dysfunction as the rest of us. I am sorry we are not perfect and up to the standards some of you may hold as dear.

 

We are a dysfunctional lot. There is no way in hell that yelling at us how ‘screwed up we are’ is going to fix it. You fix it by rolling up your sleeves and accepting that your work is cut out for you. If you truly want to heal the community you accept that there are some seriously hurt and dysfunctional people in the community and you trudge on.  

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

No. Excuuu-uuuse me! Why would I want to engage with, much less contribute to or help a so-called, "community" which really amounts to little more than a bunch of self-absorbed narcissists.

Narcissists, I say? Yes, narcissists: a condition in which people have an excessive sense of self-importance, an extreme preoccupation with themselves, and lack of empathy for others...in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and to others in the process.

I can understand why people, who have been consistently abused, demonized and overtly threatened, might want to walk away.

So...as to delete this message, understand just how dehumanizing it is to be erased and dismissed.

Cynthia Lee-Bussell said...

I will agree that there are indeed narcissists in the community. There are in every group. But I whole sale reject that the entire community is narcissistic.
There are some wonderful people in the TS community working hard to make a difference and to change society.
I refuse to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
;)

Indi X Yes Really... said...

The Eternal Optimist just like me. :)