A very well spoken young TS woman responds to a potential suitor.

The following text is a message that I received from a friend. I was rather impressed with what she had to say and I asked her to post it on her blog. But she declined and suggested that I should share it on mine and attribute it to an anonymous writer.

So I shall do so. Here is the entirety of the message I received from Anonymous Writer:





Anonymous: "so I posted this to somebody on a dating site that said he was conflicted with the fact that he was attracted to me knowing that I am trans..."





"There's no need to be in conflict about being attracted to me. You're either cool with me and the knowledge that I live my life like any normal, regular, everyday, boring girl; or you hate the fact that my genitalia does not follow conventional standards and you decide to walk away.

Being with a transgirl is not something that everyone can handle, and I respect that. A lot of men seem to think that it makes them gay, which is a false assumption; or even more insulting still, they are afraid that someone will "find out" - suggesting that they would be ashamed to be dating a transgirl.

Also, a lot of people assume that because I'm trans that I'm some sexual object. Sure I enjoy sex, but I'm as average as any boring girl when it comes to sex.

People may also assume that I may be desperate; I will grant them that it can be hard to find truly open minded people - but it's far from impossible; and just because someone does accept me and shows they have no problem with me does not automatically mean that I will throw myself at them.

The thing to take away from this message is: I'm not a desperate, sex-hungry, porn-star transvestite - I am a normal, everyday, nerdy, laid back, hard working girl. I tell the world that I am a girl, and that's all they need to know, because it's the truth. I may have unconventional genitalia for a female, but that's no-one's business but my own. An uncircumcised male isn't required to go around broadcasting that he is uncircumcised, would he? So I feel no such obligation to disclose to the world about my situation.

I post the fact that I trans on my profile not as a courtesy to other people, but as a guard for myself. Posting it up front can filter out hostile people and potentially emotionally damaging situations later on. To be completely honest, I feel no obligation posting that information in my profile; I believe that if someone has such a huge hangup about dating a transgirl, then it is their responsibility to ask."


...





I think she has a good chance at finding Mr. Right with this outlook on life.



Have a great day!

Cynthia Lee

Sorry I haven't been posting.

Sorry.

Not much to say. The days have been full of work. Summer is almost to an end. Perhaps when the weather changes and the garden is done I will have more time.

hugz and luv,
Cynthia Lee

Please don't shame me...I just want to talk.

We don't all learn the same way. I think that's clear. Everyone learns differently and certain methods of learning will go over some folk’s heads, while other methods would have a huge and potentially lasting impact. 

One of the ways people learn is through conversation and/or debate. This applies especially to social issues. People are exposed to ideas and concepts that they've never even thought about, thus...they're not likely to go and research, or read books about if they'd never even thought about it before. This is quite useful in social media. 

While the average person going about their life; in this case, let's say we're talking about the average trans* person; they should not be expected to answer questions about being trans*. (Though we all know plenty of people who ask plenty of questions; appropriate or not...) However, a person who considers themselves to be an advocate should be willing and/or able to answer questions or direct people towards resources. (Even advocates need time off for self care and fun.) 

When in a position to advocate and educate you will run into people who are ignorant to your views or experiences. Either by their own choice to be ignorant, or because they've not experienced the ideas or concepts before. 

It can sometimes feel like you're stuck on "101 level" for all of eternity. I know..but that doesn't mean that people don't need you. You might sometimes feel like shouting out "I'm not a book!! Go check out any of the many books/blogs/DVDs on the topic!!" Then again, if they knew of such resources I'd like to think they'd seek those out. (Brings us back o the beginning of this blog...everyone learns differently, and many learn through conversation) 

Many people meet new information that is different than currently held beliefs with aggression; be that verbal or physical. Learning new information that is at odds with existing beliefs or understanding is uncomfortable. Advocates and educators need to understand that this is normal human behavior. One never should accept violence against themselves, but a little understanding goes a long way. Being able to explain to the person where their discomfort stems from and normalizing the behavior may ease the experience and allow for a more healthy coping mechanism.

Knowing all of this…I've recently had two ideas that are somewhat contradictory; and I wanted to talk to someone about it in hopes that I might come to a better understanding. The specific issue isn't that important…What prompted this post was that perhaps I was ignorant to a concept, or didn't have full understanding. I learn via conversations, and understand concepts best through talking with people. Stands to reason that this is why that’s my preferred mode of educating/advocating.

When I sought out someone to talk to I was nervous about appearing ignorant, wanting to “fit in” and not be bothersome. I started to notice a trend…the community of people I was looking to talk to shamed people for being ignorant or disagreeing with them. Even to question their views would subject you to ridicule and name calling.

To ridicule someone for differing views is to encourage them to anchor into their view which we’re trying to change. You can’t SHAME people into agreeing with you. Pretty sure that’s not how that works. 

OutServe Screws Up

So OutServe canned their executive director and the entire senior staff resigns in protest over the firing.
http://www.bilerico.com/2013/06/outservesldn_exec_dir_fired_senior_staff_resigns.php

Obviously she had the hearts of the staff and that is the most vital thing an executive director can have. Now whoever comes in will have to fight upstream for anything. The staff will resent any new ex. director and the queer community is looking on and shaking their collective heads. OutServe is in a very piss poor place right now.

This is a good time for the OutServe board members and staff that have stayed on to say 'mea culpa' and the Senior members of the board of directors need to fall on the sword so to speak and vacate their positions.

You screwed the pooch OutServe.

One comment I saw on facebook sums it up rather nicely I think: "Founders Syndrome".



Oh and one more thing OutServe: You canned a transsexual woman over personality conflict. She was doing her job and by the response of your senior staff she was doing it well.
You no longer have the good will of the trans* community.

An open letter to the Spokane Trans* Comunity

An open letter to the Spokane trans* community:


I am asking everyone to re-unify and put aside differences.

Consider the troubles that have drove us apart over the last year. Every one of them is a minor issue in the grand scheme of things. Not a single one of the issues has been of the magnitude of a really serious issue. We never needed law enforcement to interfere and we haven't gone to blows. Nothing like those things has happened. Mainly we have had personality conflict that was informed by misunderstandings and hurt egos.

We can fix this. The rifts are repairable as they are not based in any major betrayals. Sure there has been some petty infighting, gossiping and back biting, but that is minor stuff.

I want to point out that it has been said many times (and it seems very obvious): You don’t go through life trans* and not come out with some amount of PTSD. Just the trauma of living in the wrong body, or in a society that does not accept us will result in PTSD. You don’t have to even transition to have this problem.
A large amount of us have issues with boundaries. A large amount of us have issues socializing in groups.

Every one of these things that we have issues with can cause friction. We are all dealing with varying levels of personal issues. We are a fragile community and as such we can break. But when you have something beautiful that breaks, you try and glue it back together and treat it better.

Also, we have to take into consideration that people tend to have trouble dealing with others who have the same flaws they perceive they have themselves. 

These things do make for a tough battle and have for us. But we can prevail and stay a strong force for the community.

 ~~~~~~~
Proposal:
We come back together and get back to the mission of supporting each other and saving lives, which I can assure you, we have saved lives.
We work with the understanding that most of us are flawed. There will be disagreements and issues in the future. But we have to work past those issues. Lives are literally on the line.
 ~~~~~~

I own my part in the troubles. I am not perfect and I do not fight fair at all. It is one of my flaws.
But nothing happens in a vacuum. I had my own reasons and I felt pretty passionate about them and my feelings were hurt also a few times down the road this last year.

I am totally committed to letting that go and moving forward for the community. My precious and tender ego will just have to get over it as I move on. I do not have time to let my hurt feelings take over my mission. Not over small shit. I can't stay mad over small shit. Can I talk you into letting bygones be bygones so we can move forward?

Now that Pride week is over we have a simple easy summer ahead of us. Due to Pride we will see a number of new people trickle in over the next couple of months. With visibility we attract more of our own.


In two weeks we will have our standard issue get together. I hope to see you there.

Have a great day and a better tomorrow,
Cynthia Lee

PRIDE in Spokane!!!

This is PRIDE week in Spokane, Washington. Come on out and celebrate your LGBT PRIDE and have some fun!

A Buddy update.

Buddy is doing well. Thanks again to all who helped him last year.

For those who may wonder about Buddy, he is doing wonderful for the most part. He only limps when he has over done it or it is really cold. His operation on his leg was a good idea and we are still very grateful for all the help we got when he needed his operation. Since his operation, he has slowed down and started to display old dog tendencies. For instance, it used to be that when morning showed up, he would be the first to insist on going outside. Now when Lilly our Rat Terrier gets up first thing Buddy stays in bed.
He still likes aggressive play on occasion, but not as often as before he hurt his leg. Tug of war used to be his favorite sport, but it has been replaced laying down/siting and being 'aggressive', which is rather silly looking. You can't be all big and badass laying down and barking. Play fights only last about half the time they used to when he was younger. He no longer try's to bolt into the forest when he gets the chance. He seems to know I can catch him now. Which is good anyways. The last time he bolted into the forest he came home with the injury that required surgery.
So what I am saying is he has grown up and become an old dog. But that is ok. He is 8 years old and we believe he has some Great Dane in his ancestry. He just ended up slowing down a couple years early.
He is a very happy dog still. You should see how silly he gets when he gets his favorite treats. He parades them around all the while doing that happy dog prance/dance thing they do. He loves to play fight with the Rat Terrier, just not as often as he used to. (Which is pretty awesome to watch giant Buddy play fight with tiny Lilly. He actually lets her think she stands a chance and she is in charge. Rather adorable.)

Have a good day,
Cynthia Lee

A good forum.

This is a great forum for transitioning transsexuals.
http://forum.beginninglifeforums.com/index.php

Outer boards are moderated, inner boards are not moderated but may only be accessed by members of the group. It is relatively small compared to most forums and has a homey atmosphere.

A response to Cathy Brennan and her recent attacks on trans* lesbian females.

I posted this in the comments section of Cathy B's blog Pretendbians recent post.
http://pretendbians.com/2013/03/31/dear-ok-cupid/
I doubt it will make it past moderation so I will post it here:

Hi Cathy,
It seems to me that your main premise is that transgender people are delusional and not in their right mind.
OK…
If we go with this premise as a statement of fact then the trangender population is mentaly ill. (I do not believe this, but let us go with the thought experiment.)

If transgender people are mentaly ill and unlikely to ever let go of the delusions they are under then trying to get them to change is an exercise in futility.

What other mental illness is it politicaly correct to shame a person for haveing the mental illness?
Would we abuse a psychotic for being psychotic? Or a person with multiple personalities?
We do not abuse the mentaly ill for their illness. It is inhumane. We can not say to a mentaly ill person “just get better! You are a terrible person for being mentaly ill. I hate you for your mental illness”. To do so would garner the ire of society.

Society at large sees the transgender as a mentaly ill person.
Is this the Cathy that you want the world to see you as? The woman who abuses mentaly ill people?


Have a good day,
CPB

PS: I do not believe or support the notion that transgender people are mentaly ill in any way shape or form. But I do believe that if someone genuinly believes that someone is mentaly ill, then that person who sees mental illness should be humane and not abuse the person they view as mentaly ill. It is just common human decency.

Respect for my elders.

 You gals who managed to transition before the internet have my total respect. I was incapable of doing it back in those days. I knew the path but there was no support. I couldn't do it. The internet made it much easier for us. Support is available in spades and we have actual support groups and networks in every large city.
My hat is off to you veterns of the pre internet days, you gals were the warriors who made it possible for the rest of us.
hugz

Fair Warning: we may be in serious trouble...

Wanna know what is gonna kill the planet this time around?

Methane.

According to some scientists:
The planet has a methane hydrate layer in the oceans and arctic. Something is triggering a massive world wide out-gassing of this methane at an unbelievable rate. The more it releases the more it triggers continued release. There is a positive feedback loop going on. This spells doom pretty much for certain. Methane is a rather nasty green house gas, and in the volume that the planet is releasing the stuff lately, we are headed for a rough ride.

Run a search engine on methane hydrate plus E.L.E.

First let me warn that you are going to have to slog through some conspiracy theory stuff to find the kernels of truth.

{I am not going to provide any links as there are plenty of links a simple search will pull up and besides links go bad and I shouldn't be doing your homework.}

So any comet strikes, rogue planets, nuclear M.A.D. strikes, pandemics or alien invasions are going to have to take a back seat and take a number. A real doom scenario is on us and there is likely no way out of this one.

How long?
A few years to a decade at most.

Now to the part with my prediction and commentary if this is true:

Some of you will survive in underground complexes that will resemble prisons more than arks, for generations. Some perhaps will figure out survival mechanisms on the surface. Doubtful though...
Eventually there will be a new generation that walks the face of the earth again. If they do find survivors on the surface they will attempt to wipe the surface dwellers out. The military industrial complex is setting itself up so that when things finally calm down they will be the ultimate overlords of all humanity.
They have to control everyone you understand. You are dangerous. You have a brain that can figure out the very same secrets they have and that scares them. You have the power to create super science devices that the military industrial complex wish to reserve for themselves. Think about everything you know for a second... If you wanted too, you can take the time and learn enough about ANY topic to recreate ANY technology. You are not just a walking talking emoting being of energy and light, you are also a hell of a computer that frightens the establishment.
That is why they are not telling you that there is an extinction level event going on as we speak. They literally want you dead. There are simply too many of us to effectively control and that has them pissing in their pants.

As an aside and off topic:
Some really interesting developments in the electric universe theory. Worth a look, but again you have to slog through the conspiracy theorists to get to the actual scientists who are talking about this theory.

Spkane Trans* People

The group has started to draft by-laws for the committee that was just voted in.
We are moving forward and becoming a proper group.

We are hitching our wagon to OutSpokane as a satellite organisation.

Just a small update.

:)

We Need a 4th Party

Let's cut to the quick.

 

Democrat Party is corrupt.

 

Republican Party is corrupt.

 

Tea Party is way too far to the right for most folks comfort. And it is becoming just like the big parties in the corruption department.

 

 

A 4th party is needed. A party that embraces those fiscal policies that brings in the average conservative voter. A party that does not stand on social policies that drive the average liberal away from the conservative fiscal candidates would be a powerful force to contend with.

 

We need a party that combines the best from both sides of the political spectrum. The majority of us have political views that are centrist. Most of us are fiscally conservative and socially liberal. We understand the need to balance the books. We understand that the state has no business saying who can be legally recognized as a family.

Fiscal conservative and socially liberal is the way I would consider my politics fall out; it seems to me, that is the way many other folks are.

 

This nation needs a 4^th party. One that will get the books balanced and keep the state out of our bedrooms.

 

I propose that those with the money and social skills to make it happen create the Home Party.

 

The Home Party should embrace the values of the home and seeks to bring them to the political arena.

Ru Paul my 2 centavos

This post was made in response to Monica Roberts' recent post on the show:
http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2013/02/trans-womanhood-does-not-equal-drag.html

Ru Pauls Drag Race

I watch the show. (I know I am a bad trans woman...) There have indeed been a few times that Ru has screwed up and said the wrong thing. He has also been quick to make it clear on more than one occasion that trans and drag are not the same thing.

Also, he has cracked a few jokes at our expense that I thought were rather clever and funny. But the trans community has very thin skin and got upset at somethings I thought we shouldn't have got upset about.

Part of being human is we get a joke or two told at our expense. As long as it isn't vicious or extremely transphobic I think we should accept the jokes. It helps to mainstream us.

 

Back to the show:

There are 3 women (that I am aware of) who have been contestants on the show. Occasionally there is a trans woman who is on the cast. The first 2 trans women didn't come out until after their season, but Monica Beverly Hillz did come out mid season. Personally I am very happy Ru and the producers did not kick her off the show. But I am also thinking that as a woman she has an undue advantage. Yes she has a male body and must portray the 'drag queen illusion' like the other contestants, but Monica is a woman. She has that special spark that is woman. In a contest for men who are trying to portray a 'female illusion', how is it fair that a woman compete?

No easy answers to any of it.

 

Do I think Ru is wonderful? No. But I also do not think he is a villain, nor do I think he is actively working against our needs.

He is a man that makes his money from the drag world. He does not have to be an advocate for our needs. We got that covered.

His show is funny, and occasionally insightful and educational. And he looks fierce in a dress.

 

:)

A new post!?!?! Wow!!!

Greeting and salutations dear reader,

It has been awhile since I sat down and wrote a proper post. Mainly because I have had writers block and have been bored with it, but also, it seems every time I get a proper idea I am not near a keyboard.

 

So what to write about?

It seems just about everything that a girl needs to know about how to transition has been said by someone some where. It is just a matter of looking around to find it.

 

So that leaves general politics and society I guess.

 

Let’s just pick a subject:

 

Radfems!

Radfems have been busting the chops of trans* folks for way to long. The transgender/transsexual persons life is a living testament to the fact that their position on gender is wrong.

Now I will give you that the lions share of gender is just window dressing BS. But that does leave a small percentage that is real. There is something innately unique about each of the genders.

Both genders have a certain something that is unique to the gender. No one can really put a finger on it. (So it is BS screams the Radfem, we can’t measure or look at it. Therefore it is false!!!) Well I can’t measure or see a lot of stuff we take for granted as real.

But let me dismiss my beliefs and for a short few moments accept the Radfem position as true and on point. Trans* people are crazy and they have bought completely into the patriarchies hands.

Ok, if that is the ultimate truth of the matter then I must conclude; I and a number of my peers are bat shit crazy.

Hmmmmm…..

So…tell me if you would:

When did it become socially acceptable to verbally abuse the mentally ill, for being mentally ill? When I was a kid I was taught we didn’t make fun of people for their personal issues. (just throwing that out there)

 If you believe that we trans* people are truly mentally ill and you feel it your calling to verbally abuse us and call us all manner of horrid things, then you are evil.

Shakes off false premise.

Now I know for a fact I am not mentally ill. I know I have a birth defect that is curable by a simple surgery. A surgery that many people in society would deny me, just on the general principle that it makes them feel icky. 

Even if trans* people are just crazy there is no other cure for the condition that comes close to the success rate that transition accomplishes.

Think about that my Radfem friend. Transition works. So what if the cure makes some cisgender folks feel icky and weird about it? How the hell do you think it makes me feel? I had to transition. Not you. I live with this life. You do not.

 

So in conclusion: Radfem, leave the trans* people alone. It reflects poorly on you when you oppress another minority.

Trans* Support Groups

Sevan and I are members of a trans* support group.
Over the last few years Spokane Trans* People has gone from a small group of trans guys and me 3 years ago, too a larger group that served a total of 90 unique individuals. Our typical group meeting is about 12-20 people. 18 is the usual turn out.

When you serve this many people it is impossible to meet the needs of all of them. Yet some folks seem to forget that fact.

For Sevan and I Spokane Trans* People has been a labor of love. We have put in many hours to get it going. Neither of us has any professional experience forging peer focused support groups. We had to wing it the entire time. We sought out the wisdom of those who have gone before us and tried to do our best along the way.

The group has been rewarding for the most part and I have made some good friends. But I have also have gained the enmity of a few folks along the way.
Mainly it seems to be fueled by the group not meeting the needs of these individuals and as a somewhat leader of the group this is seen as our fault.
Going forward I have to remember that it is impossible for me to meet the needs of everyone. I simply can not do it.
I will continue being part of the group and continue to do things as I have, knowing I am affecting good change in many folks life, while understanding that I can not help everyone who comes to the group.

transition continues

So I seem to have entered a new phase of transition.

I was thinking back to my school days, specifically shop class. As I was remembering those days my first thought was "I was the only girl in many of those classes". When I think back I see a girl in boys space.
The guys always teased me and made my life misserable in those classes. Like they were trying to chase off an interloper. At the time I did not understand why but it becomes clearer to me now. They saw my effeminate manerisms that I was oblivious too.

It is odd but more and more of my memories seem to have been slightly rewritten.

hugz and luv,
Cynthia Lee