Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Mirrors and truth

Recently I walked by a mirror and I was so stunned and happy to see how female I am starting to look that I went into tears.
Joy, and sorrow.
Joy that I am finally here and a deep and abiding sorrow that I had not adressed this issue a long time ago.

Before I started to transition when I looked in the mirror every male trait I had stood out like a beacon. I didn't see the less than masculine dude others saw. I saw a face very much ravaged by T poisoning. I saw ubber male, even though that was not the reality of the matter.

Now I hope I am seeing a little more clearly. Honestly I can not know, my eyes have lied to me before and I believed it.
Sad when you can not even trust your own testimony to yourself.
When I look in the mirror now I am seeing a girl most the time. Sometimes I see a guy but nowhere near as often as before.
It is mind blowing how a simple hormone can change everything.

When I see Cynthia in the mirror instead of Pete I see myself as I always should have been. But when I see myself in the mirror I am also reminded of how long it took me to come to terms with being me and that hurts.


Sevan said...

No easy thing...this transitioning stuff. *love*