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Thursday, September 20, 2012

Coming out Part 2 ~ Cynthia Lee

Coming out take 2 ~ Cynthia Lee


My coming out as Trans* to my friends and family was met with a collective ho-hum. I got many people who reacted in a way that indicated they were not surprised. One of my friends said to me “I knew this about you for years, I was afraid you didn’t know”. Another friend said, “That makes sense. This explains a lot.” Another friend asked, “What took you so long?”

I was rather stunned by these reactions. I thought I had done a fine and dandy job of being manly and macho. I really thought that I had been successfully portraying a man to the world. Now that I have had time to reflect on my life pre transition I see clear as can be that I was dropping hints to my true gender my entire life. All my life I was actually playing the part of a man and doing it very poorly it turns out. I had expected them to attempt to defend my ‘manhood’ and try to convince me I was nuts. I expected the same treatment that most transsexuals deal with. Rejection and transphobia were what I expected but I was given love instead.

In the end I have lost no one to my coming out. All of my family and friends accept me as Cynthia. This was anti-climatic. I had prepared for ultimate rejection and being challenged, or dissuaded from my transition. I had not prepared for being accepted and loved unconditionally. It was very wonderful and awesome that I have kept my friends and family, but I had not prepared myself for this outcome. Person after person that I came out to were ok with me transitioning. In a way, it was a tad aggravating. What do you mean my portrayal of ‘man’ was so lousy that no one was buying it!??! I was so sure of the excellent job of role-playing ‘man’ that when I discovered that it was not excellent it kinda miffed me a bit. Nevertheless, it should come as no surprise. Women are not men and they do a lousy job of being men full time. Sure, some women can play the part of a man for a while, but no woman can live as a man 24/7 and not let her guard down and let the woman inside out on occasion. Turns out that I was showing the inner woman, I was letting her out on a daily basis.

Therefore, my gentle reader I want to boil it down to this: You have no idea if your friends and family will accept you or reject you until the moment of truth. It is worth the chance you take and it just might end with acceptance.



5 comments:

Zoe Brain said...

*Chuckle*

Yes, same here. There was I, thinking my act was perfect... when all around me were thinking "that's odd...".

When I transitioned, the reaction was "A HA! That explains it!".

Cynthia Lee said...

:)

Seems to be a common thread with a number of girls in my circle.
We never did play men very well. Only in our own heads was the performance 'Oscar worthy'.
giggles

Sharon Isaac said...

For what it is worth, Sevan, from all of my experience with you, your body language and demeanor has always struck me as an Alfa Male. Though you do carry somewhat the "trappings" of the female/feminine, you are convincingly masculine. You would "hold your own" in a platoon of Marines, and I'm not just saying that. For one who has "been-there" and "done that," I say to you quite honestly you would do well in that environment. It is my forthright judgement you have innately what it takes. :)

~Sharon

Sevan Bussell said...

Why thank you Sharon. However, I didn't write this blog post. Cyndi did. We share this blog, and you can tell who wrote the entry by looking who's name is in the title.
My coming out story is in the next entry down.

Poppy Ann said...

this story sounds just like my life, i recently came out as transgendered and told everyone that i was going to start living as a woman full time, the reaction i got was stunning everyone accepted me except for my ex wife and my son told me he does not know how to accept it but that in time he will, all my friends said either we have known for years you were a woman or that we have treated you as a woman for years now and thinking back yes they had from changing my name from paul to paulie to wanting me on their shopping trips for clothes i never rearly noticed it until they told me. i have to admit it was a nice shock. i have to say i have been wearing woman's clothes for years, but i always considered myself a crossdresser which is what i told people when asked.
now i still dress the same except i now wear a bra and put on makeup i also have had my hair cut into a more feminine style as before i almost always wore it in a high pony tail with a ribbon in it or in pig tails with ribbons in.
now i have come out as transgendered i feel much better than i have felt in my life.