Is TERF a slur?

If you are not familiar with the term TERF, it stands for Trans* Exclusionary Rad Fem. If you are not familiar with the term Rad Fem, then you need to do some catching up and you should likely spend some time with a search engine of your choice. Go ahead, I'll be here when you get back.

Caught up now? Spiffy.

So there are members of the Rad Fems who are not very friendly to trans* women and some of them are not too easy on trans* men either. As a result of this treatment, a number of trans* folks have taken some exception to the way we are spoken of by these folks. As a way to make it easy to distinguish between the Rad Fems who accept trans* women in their midst and those who do not, the term TERF was coined. It is simply an anagram for trans* exclusionary Rad Fem. So it is a spot on designator. Now that the term TERF has made it into the vernacular of the queer populace, some of those who would be obvious candidates to be referred to as TERF have taken the public stance that it is a slur and not polite.

Well with my current stance on the RuPaul verses Carmen fiasco and general stance on slurs for trans* women perhaps I should stop using TERF. If I want currency in this conversation I must walk the talk eh? Well as these thoughts crossed my mind I was also almost listening to the TV that was droning on in the back ground on a news channel. I don’t know what story came up as I was deep in my thoughts but the word “terrorist” came through floating on the air at just the right moment. I do not think many terrorists would like being called that term, but it is what it is. Sometimes a term is spot on and ugly. Like TERF.

OMG!!! Did you just conflate TERF with terrorist? Probably a little. There are people in our society that hold ugly beliefs and cause hatred to increase and thus the chance at increased violence. >Racist, Bigot, Misogynist, Terrorist, Murder, Thief all these words are designator words that are useful in our vocabulary to denote an evil person in simple to use language we all understand.

It is my position that TERF is in this pile of words that we use to designate an evil person who holds dangerous, outdated and vicious views that stigmatize and threaten others.  Add this to the fact that it was coined as an anagram to designate Trans* Exclusionary Rad Fems it does not come to the level of slur. Now maybe if TERFs start being killed and beaten with TERF chanted at them as it is happening we can call it a slur. 

As it stands attempts to get this spot on word designated a slur is just an attempt to take currency in the conversation away from TS women. Which is just pathetic.

Defending slurs can only rip us apart.

Lately I have been hearing more calls for dissolution of the LGBT than usual from TS women. The thing that is different this time around is that I am hearing this call from women who were staunch defenders of the alliance.

The fuel of this call for the T to divorce the LGB is on the surface a small issue; we want a few words relegated to the heap of slurs not acceptable in polite company. We do not want words that have a history of use as slurs to be used. Our collective request has been belittled by an army of fans of the ever popular RuPaul who has become the standard bearer of those who say they wish to reclaim or own some of these words (Tranny in this case) seen as slurs. On every comment section of every article about the issue TS women are being attacked and belittled at every turn. Mostly we are being attacked by gay men who seem to have no true argument and some trans* folks who do not want energy wasted on this battle.
Now to be honest this issue is not even on the radar of most LGBT types. Not every one of us follows the gay press. But those who are involved have made it clear that TS women have no right to complain or check RuPaul. We are being told that because RuPaul is such the advocate we should shut up. I call bullshit! RuPaul is not being an advocate when he says he is going to continue to use Tranny. TS women are calling for this to stop!

Is it asking the community to much when we ask that slurs synonymous with trans* woman should not be used? Changing your language and maybe how you think of us is a small request. We have not asked for something that will cost society money or lives or even any honor or dignity. In fact we are offering the LGB and the rest of society an opportunity to show that they do support and respect the T. We are offering an opportunity to display honor and raise the dignity of trans* folks.

Please join the right side of history. At every turn in our history the side of inclusion and proper decorum has won. There is no reason to think that the defenders of transphobic slurs will win this culture war.
So it stands to reason that those of you who support RuPaul in this issue are indeed standing on the wrong side of history.

RuPaul needs to change his tune.

RuPaul is not a proper spokesman for the community. However it is what it is...He is famous and in the spotlight.

There is enough overlap of TS and Drag that we can not just wholesale say that drag is not under the TG umbrella. I know a number of girls who got started with drag and then came out as women and completely transitioned. There are national level awareness semi famous drag performers who have transitioned yet maintain their financial ties to the drag community.

Drag Queens sometimes are TS women. TS women are sometimes "drag queens".

So with that we have RuPaul saying his 2centavos which is complicating the message we are trying to get across.
So the next question is simple: how do we exert the pressure on him to alter his tone?
He is on the wrong side of this issue.

Stop with the transphobic slurs please.

Lately there has been a kerfuffle over transsexual women requesting that the word “Tranny” be removed from the name of an event in Australia. The event is called “Tranny Bingo” for those who do not already know.

Some folks are acting like this is a new thing but it isn’t. Transsexual women have been asking that this slur be removed from the polite lexicon and be relegated to the same heap that other slurs are placed. This word should not be used in any context in polite conversation. Personally I can see no use for the word except in one situation, porn; and only because it makes the search easy for the porn sellers and buyers. (I am not an unreasonable person.)

If you are sitting behind your keyboard taking it to town and want to search for some porn of your choosing then go ahead and shamefully type it into the search bar. Otherwise you should just not say it, type it or otherwise cause the word to be used in a polite conversation.

Why?

Because we asked you to do so as we see it as a slur for trans* woman. That should be enough. I shouldn’t have to debate you that this term is OK. It isn’t! If you are not a trans* person you have no currency in this conversation. None. Zero. Zip. NADA! So just stop using slurs. It is simple really.

A very well spoken young TS woman responds to a potential suitor.

The following text is a message that I received from a friend. I was rather impressed with what she had to say and I asked her to post it on her blog. But she declined and suggested that I should share it on mine and attribute it to an anonymous writer.

So I shall do so. Here is the entirety of the message I received from Anonymous Writer:





Anonymous: "so I posted this to somebody on a dating site that said he was conflicted with the fact that he was attracted to me knowing that I am trans..."





"There's no need to be in conflict about being attracted to me. You're either cool with me and the knowledge that I live my life like any normal, regular, everyday, boring girl; or you hate the fact that my genitalia does not follow conventional standards and you decide to walk away.

Being with a transgirl is not something that everyone can handle, and I respect that. A lot of men seem to think that it makes them gay, which is a false assumption; or even more insulting still, they are afraid that someone will "find out" - suggesting that they would be ashamed to be dating a transgirl.

Also, a lot of people assume that because I'm trans that I'm some sexual object. Sure I enjoy sex, but I'm as average as any boring girl when it comes to sex.

People may also assume that I may be desperate; I will grant them that it can be hard to find truly open minded people - but it's far from impossible; and just because someone does accept me and shows they have no problem with me does not automatically mean that I will throw myself at them.

The thing to take away from this message is: I'm not a desperate, sex-hungry, porn-star transvestite - I am a normal, everyday, nerdy, laid back, hard working girl. I tell the world that I am a girl, and that's all they need to know, because it's the truth. I may have unconventional genitalia for a female, but that's no-one's business but my own. An uncircumcised male isn't required to go around broadcasting that he is uncircumcised, would he? So I feel no such obligation to disclose to the world about my situation.

I post the fact that I trans on my profile not as a courtesy to other people, but as a guard for myself. Posting it up front can filter out hostile people and potentially emotionally damaging situations later on. To be completely honest, I feel no obligation posting that information in my profile; I believe that if someone has such a huge hangup about dating a transgirl, then it is their responsibility to ask."


...





I think she has a good chance at finding Mr. Right with this outlook on life.



Have a great day!

Cynthia Lee

Sorry I haven't been posting.

Sorry.

Not much to say. The days have been full of work. Summer is almost to an end. Perhaps when the weather changes and the garden is done I will have more time.

hugz and luv,
Cynthia Lee

Please don't shame me...I just want to talk.

We don't all learn the same way. I think that's clear. Everyone learns differently and certain methods of learning will go over some folk’s heads, while other methods would have a huge and potentially lasting impact. 

One of the ways people learn is through conversation and/or debate. This applies especially to social issues. People are exposed to ideas and concepts that they've never even thought about, thus...they're not likely to go and research, or read books about if they'd never even thought about it before. This is quite useful in social media. 

While the average person going about their life; in this case, let's say we're talking about the average trans* person; they should not be expected to answer questions about being trans*. (Though we all know plenty of people who ask plenty of questions; appropriate or not...) However, a person who considers themselves to be an advocate should be willing and/or able to answer questions or direct people towards resources. (Even advocates need time off for self care and fun.) 

When in a position to advocate and educate you will run into people who are ignorant to your views or experiences. Either by their own choice to be ignorant, or because they've not experienced the ideas or concepts before. 

It can sometimes feel like you're stuck on "101 level" for all of eternity. I know..but that doesn't mean that people don't need you. You might sometimes feel like shouting out "I'm not a book!! Go check out any of the many books/blogs/DVDs on the topic!!" Then again, if they knew of such resources I'd like to think they'd seek those out. (Brings us back o the beginning of this blog...everyone learns differently, and many learn through conversation) 

Many people meet new information that is different than currently held beliefs with aggression; be that verbal or physical. Learning new information that is at odds with existing beliefs or understanding is uncomfortable. Advocates and educators need to understand that this is normal human behavior. One never should accept violence against themselves, but a little understanding goes a long way. Being able to explain to the person where their discomfort stems from and normalizing the behavior may ease the experience and allow for a more healthy coping mechanism.

Knowing all of this…I've recently had two ideas that are somewhat contradictory; and I wanted to talk to someone about it in hopes that I might come to a better understanding. The specific issue isn't that important…What prompted this post was that perhaps I was ignorant to a concept, or didn't have full understanding. I learn via conversations, and understand concepts best through talking with people. Stands to reason that this is why that’s my preferred mode of educating/advocating.

When I sought out someone to talk to I was nervous about appearing ignorant, wanting to “fit in” and not be bothersome. I started to notice a trend…the community of people I was looking to talk to shamed people for being ignorant or disagreeing with them. Even to question their views would subject you to ridicule and name calling.

To ridicule someone for differing views is to encourage them to anchor into their view which we’re trying to change. You can’t SHAME people into agreeing with you. Pretty sure that’s not how that works.